


Better With You

by aishjinjaa



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Arranged Marriage, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-11-18
Packaged: 2019-01-04 01:37:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 40,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12158949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aishjinjaa/pseuds/aishjinjaa
Summary: In a society where Arranged Marriage is the law, Jeonghan insists on his mischievous ways until he's tied, which frustrates his parents.So when they decided to move his marriage up earlier to straighten him out, will he actually come through?Choi Seungcheol has been waiting for his marriage his entire life—a small country boy with simple dreams, he's ecstatic that he's finally going to be someone's husband.But what will he do if the man's a jerk?





	1. Chapter 1

Jeonghan held onto his shoes tiptoeing across their living room, careful not to wake anyone in their house. Its 4 am and he doubt he will wake someone but he takes caution anyway. He stops whenever there was any sign of movement anywhere within their house. He can hear both his parents snoring from their room at the end of the hall.

A small figure suddenly rose from the couch, making Jeonghan jump in surprise. “What the—” he squints at the figure of his little sister, flashlight in hand, smirking at him. “Yoon Jeongah!” he bit out, glaring at her.

“What?” she taunted, her voice loud.

“Ssh!” he bent over to her, fishing his wallet from his back pocket, having done this multiple times in the past. He handed her $50, which she promptly accepts. “If you keep this up, I’m going to be richer than you in a few years.”

“Don’t tell mom and dad.” He scoffed, turning away from her to continue tiptoeing to his room. He had his head down when he suddenly had to adjust his eyes.

“Don’t tell us what?” his heart skipped a beat as his father stood in front of him. “That this is the 4th time this week that you’ve arrived home late? Despite that, it’s still Thursday?”

He stood straight, smiling sheepishly. He doesn’t regret it, not at all. Why would he? It’s his life; he does give up a fraction of his time for sleep just to go out every night but he does wake up on time for work every day, so why does it matter? He looks to his mother, trying to make her cover for him through eye contact.

“This ends now.” His father insists firmly, making his mother sigh behind him, shaking her head. She won’t be able to help him out this time; he’s just going to have to listen to his lecture for another hour now. “You know this kind of behavior isn’t tolerated.”

“For married people, yes. I’m still single.” He reasons. He’s not quite sure if he’s supposed to be reasoning out like this in front of his sister who probably doesn’t even have an idea on how these things go down when she’s all grown up.

“How are you supposed to change at this rate? You’re getting married in a year and you still haven’t changed one bit. Do you even plan to?”

No. But he doesn’t say it. In this day and age, arranged marriages are decided and set the day you’re born and your families are supposed to meet and decided on an age when you’re supposed to tie the knot and by the time that you’re old enough to think that you don’t want to, you won’t be able to. It’s mandatory, and it’s one of the ways the government assures order.

Divorce (and any form of separation), infidelity, even removal of the wedding ring is punishable by law if you want to go out to the party; you’d need a signed consent form from your partner. Suffocating, right? Especially for people like him, the ones who like to sleep around and get wasted in bars. He and most of his friends are fortunate and are still single, except for one poor soul, Mingyu, who was set to get married at 22, and since then has had to spend every single night tucked in with his husband, Wonwoo.

Jeonghan will never be happy that way.

Plus, the fact that in their group of friends, he’s the next one to get married infuriates him. His single life stops the day he turns 26, while Soonyoung and Seokmin already know they’re going to get married to each other, while Jisoo still has 4 more years because his parents were smart enough to put his time at 30. Lucky motherfuckers.

“What?” his father demanded when Jeonghan turned quiet for too long.

“I’ll try my best.” He says noncommittally. His parents know he’s going to do it again, and he knows they know, so why exert effort? “I need to be up in 4 hours, I need to go to bed.” He yawned, knowing his parents are tired and sleepy, too, and will let him go. His father sighed and turned towards their room. Jeonghan turns to his sister, huffing and holding out his palm. “It doesn’t count if I’m caught.”

She grumbled and slapped the bill back to his hand.

 

If he tried to come quietly last night, Jeonghan plans to get to his room like air tonight. He didn’t plan on staying up until the break of dawn just to satisfy his father but for the first time in months, Mingyu actually went out of their house for once to have a drink with them. Even though he had his husband with him, to them, just to have Mingyu around was enough.

In turn, Jeonghan totally forgot that he was supposed to go home early—scratch that, he doesn’t really have to lie here, right? He didn’t really want to come home early, for fuck’s sake it was a Friday night, he didn’t really plan on going home and doing what? His mother texted him to come home early but he just decided to ignore it to get more shots for them.

So when the taxi slowed to a stop in front of their house and he can see both his parents standing on the porch, his dad’s arms crossed in front of him, he knew he screwed up. He hadn’t been this angry at him before, and when he does get really get very angry he makes sure to punish Jeonghan.

He stood there, staring down at Jeonghan who had just paid the driver and made small steps towards their front porch. As soon as he was near enough for earshot, his father uncrossed his arms and cleared his throat. “So this is what it’s going to be? Okay. Let’s see.” He then went back into the house without another word. His mother stayed behind, though, peeking in to make sure her husband is out of earshot. “He’s kind of angry right now, but make sure to just lie low for a few days, okay? Maybe he’s going to forget this.” She smiles kindly at him, and motions for him to follow her inside.

 

It’s a quiet Tuesday and a holiday when Jeonghan noticed that he hasn’t seen his father for quite a while. His mother was fussing with his sister to get her ready for school when Jeonghan asked. “Mom, where’s dad?”

She hesitated for a while before answering. “He went on a short business trip to Daegu a few days ago. He’s coming back tomorrow.”

Jeonghan shrugged and continued on eating his breakfast.

“Oh, and he wanted to me to remind you that we have a family dinner tomorrow and you can’t miss it, okay?” Jeonghan nodded obediently as part of his plan of lying low for a few days, it has worked when he had infuriated his father before, and there is a big possibility of it working now.

He left his dishes in the sink and he kissed his mother goodbye as he went off to work. Jeonghan’s job isn’t much of a hassle; he was one of the graphic designers for an advertisement company. They do have a lot of tasks because their department does much of everything that goes into the final output but at least they don’t have to come up with the designs themselves. All they do is follow instructions and deliver results within the deadline then they’re good. Plus the fact that Jeonghan seems to get away with everything.

His father works within the company, too, but he’s already gone high enough in the finance department for him not to see Jeonghan every day. He works with Mingyu and Soonyoung in the same department and everybody wonders how they’re all not sick with each other’s faces yet.

“I’m stuck with them.” He fake-complained when one of their designers asked him that morning after learning that the three of them have known each other since high school. Soonyoung smirked, scratching his chin with a pencil.

“They key is rotation.” He offers. “The three of us can’t be all together at the same time; we have to rotate in twos. Me and Jeonghan, Jeonghan and Mingyu, Mingyu and Me. That way we can also gossip about the one that isn’t there.” the entire department laughed, attentive when it comes to Soonyoung.

Suddenly, their head of the department stopped laughing and stood up. As they were taught to, they all followed his lead and bowed to the man standing by the doorway, even though nobody has any idea as to who he is. All he knows is that he’s high enough for his father to be standing at a polite distance behind him.

He was a tall, smiley, middle-aged man, who had kind laugh lines all across his face. “Good, good…” he murmured. “If there is anything this company needs, it’s a little life.” He walked in and pat their Team Leader in the shoulder, scanning everybody’s faces. “It’s always serious work, bent over computers and frowning.” He slouched and fake-frowned, trying his best to imitate a stressed employee. His father and a few other high ranking men followed him around. His eyes landed on Jeonghan and he stopped on his tracks, glancing at Jeonghan’s father.

“Your son?” he asked, as to which Jeonghan’s father promptly nodded and stepped forward.

“Jeonghan, this is Director Choi, founder, and owner of the company.” Jeonghan bowed politely. “Director Choi, this is my son, Yoon Jeonghan.”

He smiled at him warmly, nice, but also quite uncomfortable especially with all the eyes trained on them right now. “I haven’t seen you in ages!” he exclaimed, ruffling Jeonghan’s hair. “The last time I saw you, you were still around 3 or 4. Now you’re all grown up, and very nicely, too!” he chuckled, patting his father on the shoulder. “I’ll see you, then?” Jeonghan was all kinds of confused but he just decided to let it go and bowed politely instead. “See you, Sir.” He murmured.

The man walked away from him and went to compliment the rest of the staff for their work then went out. Everybody immediately crowded around him as soon as they were out the door.

“How do you know the director?”

“I don’t.” Jeonghan answered honestly, also quite confused himself. “Maybe it’s because of work? My dad has been working here since the dawn of time.” The rest of them nodded, quite satisfied and convinced with that reason.

“You have to talk me up.” Soonyoung murmured as soon as the crowd around Jeonghan dispersed. “I need more breaks, I’m about to die.”

 

Jeonghan’s mood soured after that, though, because of a headache that slowly spread from his temples to his entire head. Despite that, he tried his best to drive to dinner because of his promise to attend it. He didn’t actually know what it was for but they did have these family dinners before they all got too busy.

Jeonghan parked his car in front of the restaurant and walked out. Another car parked beside him and glanced over at him. “Are you okay?” the other driver asked. It was a young man, not much taller than he is.

“I’m okay,” Jeonghan groaned. “Just a little headache.”

“You shouldn’t be driving, though.” He commented. Jeonghan waved him off, annoyed, as he decided to ignore him to go into the restaurant. His parents reserved a small private dining room by the end of the hall and Jeonghan was walking to it when he realized that the guy from the parking lot has been following him.

“Can I help you?” he snapped.

“I’m also going this way.” Jeonghan doubted him let it go anyway. He was nearing the room and his head was hurting so bad he needed to sit somewhere right away.

When he arrived in the room, he noticed that the Director was there with a classy woman which he assumes was his wife, sitting across his parents. He bowed in the directors’ direction before his parents pulled him to sit between them.

“Oh, you’re here!” the director motioned to a space behind Jeonghan, and he realized that it was still that guy from the parking lot. “Sit here, Seungcheol.” The man bowed to them before sitting down in between the two of them.

Hazy because of his headache, Jeonghan is now so much more confused about what’s going on. “I know you’re both wondering what’s going on,” the director spoke, which makes it a much more pressure for Jeonghan to listen politely. “But last week, the both of us, your fathers, with the consent of your mothers, have agreed on moving the date for the marriage.”

Jeonghan looked over to the guy sitting across him, just now realizing that this is the man that he’s supposed to be tied to. He scans him from head to foot, noting every single flaw that he can find. He is supposed to stay with this person for the rest of his life?

He looked too muscly for Jeonghan’s tastes.

He also seemed like he wasn’t good with fashion at all.

He does seem like the type to appreciate a good time.

But not for Jeonghan.

He seemed controlling.

And Jeonghan hates that.

He hates this already.

 

“My name is Choi Seungcheol, nice to meet you.” He greeted timidly, smiling gently at all of them. “I turned 26 last month, I am a Business Management graduate, and I am currently training to replace the CFO of the company who’s retiring.”

“His brother is training for my position.” The director added to add to the conversation. “Go ahead, Jeonghan.” He then encourages for Jeonghan to take his turn.

“My name is Yoon Jeonghan, I am turning 26 this October 4, and I am a Graphic Design graduate. I am currently working as a Graphics Editor for the company.” He bowed, and both parents smiled at him, mostly maybe they haven’t noticed that Jeonghan has been forcing the niceties.

“October 4…” the director glanced over to Jeonghan’s father. “So as I’ve said, we have decided to move the date of the marriage.” Jeonghan has been anticipating this part of the conversation ever since it has been introduced. He hopes that they will move it to a farther date, or if he’s lucky, they might cancel it at all—but wait, no, they can’t, it’s required. So the least he can wish for right now is for them to move the date to a much later year.

“We’re moving it to the 7th of October.” Jeonghan’s father said. The person sitting across him looked panicked, but Jeonghan was still too confused to understand.

“Of which year?” he asked, making the director and his wife laugh.

“This year, of course.” Now Jeonghan feels panicked. This year? Next year was already torture enough now it’s going to be next month… like, a few weeks from now? How is he supposed to do this? He hasn’t prepared himself for this, yet. He hasn’t done all the things in the list of the things he’s been preparing to do for the next year is able to prepare for being tied up. Now he has to prepare for a fucking wedding in 3 weeks?

“This is kind of difficult to absorb right now.” Fortunately, he was able to articulate in a very polite manner, especially since he’s immensely panicking right now.

“We understand.” The director’s wife said. “We’ll give you time to absorb this all, and we’ll see you in a week, so we can talk preparations, okay?” he made a move to stand, so they all did bid their goodbyes and called it a night.

 

As soon as Jeonghan put one foot inside their house, it all came rushing out. “What the fuck was that?!”

“Jeonghan, language. Jeongah is here.” His mother chastised.

“You can’t tell me that right now, mom! How could you do this to me?” he raised his voice, making her flinch.

“Don’t talk to your mother like that!” his father came in between them, red and furious. “You left me no choice. You weren’t going to change.”

“How can you just ambush me like that?”

“You left us no choice, you have no idea what type of power that family holds, you can’t mess this up! We needed to stop you before you got too messy!”

“Oh, sure, control me like this!” Jeonghan seethed, his voice hoarse from the shouting. “So you move the wedding earlier? You ambush me? Forcing me into a marriage that I didn’t want in the first place?”

“You keep your voice down!” he looked around, paranoid. In this society, any sign of a person not wanting to abide by the law, your neighbors made sure you were watched, just to spite you.

“You should be getting used to this now, Yoon Jeonghan, because this is happening. You’re getting married in a few weeks and that’s it.”

“That’s it?” Jeonghan slumps over to the couth, tired. “I can’t do anything about this?”

His father was heaving, speechless. His mother kneels in front of him coaxing him into looking up to her. “Jeonghan.”

He looked up to her, her eyes glistening but she was smiling. “You don’t have to worry. This is a good family, they’re very kind, Seungcheol is very kind, too, you don’t have to worry.”

“I’m going to be tied forever, mom.”

“Don’t worry.” He smiles. “We were all paired up with I don’t know what technology they have, but satisfaction is very high, couples almost always stay with each other. You just have to put in your share of effort, Seungcheol is willing to give his share, too.”

Jeonghan sighs, thinking he can’t really do about this right now, and all he can do is mope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR SUBSCRIBING  
> I remember when I posted my first fic and it took two chapters before I even reached 10 subscribers. Now I haven't even posted one chapter and I already have 30 subs THANK YOU VERY MUCH I hope I won't disappoint you.  
> Please tell me what you think in the comments box  
> and as usual, you can always talk to me through dming me on my twt: choisoftcheol or my tumblr jexngchexl.tumblr.com, both are open to your messages anytime!  
> sengkyuu


	2. Chapter 2

Jeonghan was two weeks away from getting married but he’s not letting that get in the way. He’s invited every single bachelor he knows and invited them all to a sort of bachelor party in the club, willing to get laid by the end of the night. He’s going to have to get laid every day before he gets married because god knows he’s no longer going to be when he ties the knot.

“You know you can sleep with your husband, right?” Jisoo offers. Jeonghan laughed. No. If there was anything he has settled, it’s that he doesn’t want to sleep with that guy. It defeats the whole point of not wanting to marry him.

“So you plan to sleep with everything that moves to make up for the fact that you don’t plan to sleep with anyone after you get married?” Jisoo half-shouts, his voice almost drowned out by the noise inside the bar. Jeonghan nurses his scotch takes a sip and tried to focus on Jisoo who’s getting kind of blurry.

“Yes.” He answers, not even quite sure what the question was about anymore.

“You know that’s a stupid plan, right?”

“Yes.” He nods, knowing that he’s acting stupid but he can’t really do anything about what he’s frustrated about, so he settles on being stupid instead. “Hong Jisoo, stop judging me.” He hiccups. “You’re lucky you still have years to go.”

“No,” he answers right away, firmly.  “I’m tired of being like this. Out drinking in bars every night? I’m tired, Jeonghan. If anything I hope my parents have enough power to change my date of marriage.”

Jeonghan looked up at him, incredulous. “Then what are you doing here every single night?”

“Making sure you don’t fall into bed with every STD infected person in here.”

Jeonghan hiccups, pulling Jisoo by the neck. “You’re a good choice.” He slurs. “Best friend, yes.”

“Uh…” Jisoo looks around awkwardly. “Don’t take that back, okay. I’m the best friend, right?”

“Of course!” Jeonghan sits up and makes a cross across his chest. “I swear, that Hong Jisoo, of Kentucky Fried Chicken Avenue, New York,”

“That’s not even a place.” Jisoo retorts.

Jeonghan puts a finger on his lips, whispering ‘sshh’. “Is my best friend in the world.”

“Good, because,” he stands from his stool and holds Jeonghan by the shoulders. “I kind of invited your fiancé here, and here he comes, bye.” Jisoo practically runs away as another figure blocks his line of sight.

“Jeonghan? Hi.” The muscles with a head smiled at him, making Jeonghan’s brain turn funny.

“Who are you again?”

“Choi Seungcheol… you don’t remember me?” Jeonghan tries to scan his brain for when he last saw a muscle with a head. Oh, the dinner, right.

“Marriage.” He nodded to himself, as to what that means, he doesn’t have an idea.

“Uh, yeah. I’m your fiancé, technically.”

“Cool.” He looks around, trying to hire the muscle guy to pick up a guy with him. His brain a total blur and he can’t technically absorb anything right now. “Uh… Seungcheol?” the other looks up from his newly ordered drink, hopeful. “Which of these guys look most fuckable to you?” he turns his seat and points to the group of men he invited for this party.

“Excuse me?”

“I mean, I want to go home and sleep with at least one of these men, can you help me pick?” he’s actually extremely torn between the guy in the black blazer and the one with the glasses. Jisoo suddenly rushes to his side and laughs.

“Ha ha ha ha ha, you’re so funny.” He laughed his fake laugh and hit Jeonghan in the shoulder.

“I’m not kidding.”

“You’re kidding,” he grits out,  pinching Jeonghan’s arm, making sure it hurt. “Go and apologize.”

“Why would I? Mr. Muscle here should be a candidate, he’s in my party.” He pushes his best friend lightly. “Mister Handsome, I am getting married in two weeks and I don’t want to sleep with my future husband so I’m trying to sleep with everyone. Would you like to leave with me?”

“Yoon Jeonghan.” Jisoo pulls him off the stool with the help of Seokmin and Soonyoung. “Send him home, he’s asshole-drunk.” His best friend hits him in the head one more time then turns to apologize to the shell-shocked Choi Seungcheol.

 

Like the best friend that he is, Jisoo ratted out to Jeonghan’s parents and volunteered along with Seokmin and Soonyoung to keep him out of any forms of social activity until his wedding day. Jeonghan is frustrated but understands; he’s an asshole when he’s drunk. But what is he supposed to do? Is he going to live his entire life from then on, go to work in the morning, return home after work and come home to the Choi boy? And do what? Watch TV? Read? Sleep? He’s sorry but that sounds boring as fuck.

So when his wedding day does come, he just sat there in his chair, gritting his teeth and non-budging. Jeongah looks over to him, equally as annoyed. “Will you stop sulking?” she snaps.

“What?”

“What is your problem? I know this day will come for me someday, too, and I’m not fighting it.”

“That’s because you haven’t enjoyed single life yet.”

“What, losing sleep over spending time in loud, smelly, clubs? Sleeping with someone and waking up alone? Tell me how that should be enjoyed?” she huffs. “I know we’re different. You’re the social butterfly and I’m the nerd who prefers milk over beer, but not ending up alone every single night is a universal need, don’t tell me you enjoy that.”

“Well, I enjoy everything before that.” He admits guiltily. “Jeongah… you know how I feel about getting forced into marriage.”

“I know,” he puts her phone aside and leans forward. “But why do you hate Seungcheol-oppa, too?”

“He’s a reminder that I have to live with this!”

“That’s unfair.” He frowns. “He’s as forced into this as you are.” She crosses her arms, eyeing him up and down. “If anything, it’s worse for him since he’s going to be married to a selfish-ass man.”

Jeonghan stays silent, biting his lip. He hasn’t considered that side, yet.

The door opens and it’s one of the hall assistants telling them that the ceremony is starting.

Their wedding was forgettable, as all weddings were in this day and age. It was a simple ceremony for both families and a few friends inside a small hall within the city building which was specifically reserved for weddings. Jeonghan had Jisoo, Soonyoung, Seokmin, Mingyu, and Wonwoo in his side, while Seungcheol had 4 friends on his side, too.

Different from the marriages years ago, instead of religious verses and promises to stay forever because of their binding love for each other, marriages in their time was just cold and straightforward. They recited laws regarding the union, including the ones that Jeonghan hated the most, like the ones that every decision that one spouse should go out on their own, they have to have a signed consent form from their partners, like they were kindergarteners.

They exchanges ring engraved with the others’ initials and the date of their wedding. Jeonghans’ ring read CSC 1007. Well, that made sure he never forgot any anniversaries.

The man right beside him wasn’t very forgettable, though. In all the times that he’d seen him, he’d always have his hair down that made him very much like every other person in the neighborhood. Right now, though, his hair was styled up, showing his forehead in a hairstyle that very much frames the shape of his face, making him look a little more good-looking than the rest of the neighborhood.

After they exchange rings, the ceremony required them to kiss.

Well, Jeonghan has kissed more people that he has forgotten the names of, so this shouldn’t matter. He leaned into the other, while he looked kind of hesitant to reciprocate the action. He did eventually close the distance, though, and pressed their lips together. Jeonghan didn’t want to feel anything, he wanted it to mean nothing but something inside him burst into flames as soon as they made contact, making him pull away right away.

 

To finish off the cold wedding, there was no honeymoon. Which in the case of arranged marriages, might actually be necessary to even slightly acquaint the people they’re pairing up. Instead, they all had a meal in an Italian restaurant and were driven by their parents to a huge house in a slightly unpopulated area in the city, around 10 blocks away from the downtown area, and a total of 30 blocks away from their office.

“We bought you this house.” The director smiled at them, proud of themselves. “Consider it a getting-ready present from your parents.” He pats Jeonghan’s father in the shoulder.

It’s a huge house, bigger than Jeonghan’s. It had a huge living area, a kitchen, and a dining area enough for 2 families, and a second floor which apparently had another living area, and 5 rooms.

“We’ve already brought up your things in your room.” His mother said, pointing to the door at the end of the hall. “That room is the best, it has the view of the garden and the pool behind the house, and in mornings, the soft sunrise is best for a really good morning.”

Jeonghan tried to take it all in, but he can’t. All that he can register right now is ‘cool house, nice house, big house’ and the fact that it’s his, and he’s supposed to live here with a goddamn husband, and that his entire single life has slowly been torn apart, brick by brick, right before his eyes, is not yet registering, no.

“There are two more bedrooms downstairs; this will be perfect for raising children.” He choked on his spit. And yeah, that, too.

His husband laughed awkwardly, nudging his mother. “That’s not yet in the table, mom.” He chuckled. “We haven’t even gotten to know each other enough.”

“Yeah.” Jeonghan agreed awkwardly.

After a slightly less awkward tour around the house, both of their parents left them alone and they both slumped over the couch, sighing.

Jeonghan got over it right away, though, and immediately decided to get to work. “I’m going to move my things into another room.” He walked away and went upstairs, dragging all the suitcases that he identified as his.

His parents apparently were quite excited to get rid of him as they apparently had all his things ready and arranged like they have been getting ready for months. Even his long-discarded books were in a box with some of his childhood toys. The room next to the one their parents expected them to share wasn’t half bad. Since it didn’t have many windows, unlike the other one, it was much darker and gloomier than the other one. The bed looked as comfortable, though, and it had a sizable desk enough for all his digital pads, computers, and all his sketchbooks.

He sat on the bed, looking around the gloomy room, not unlike the one he had at home, rolled his sleeves up, and open the biggest suitcase that had all his clothes. He opened the big closet and started unloading his dress shirts, one by one, and hanging them haphazardly.

After he had hung and folded all of his clothes, he sat and contemplated on which of his things he should unload next. A figure caught his eye, and when he glanced, his husband (he hated using that word) was there, standing and leaning on the door frame, looking at him.

“You know our parents are going to visit us a lot.” He said simply. “You should choose all the things that you don’t use quite as much and move them in my room so they won’t have to be suspicious.”

He studied him. He looked quite warm and soft-spoken, totally unlike how Jeonghan expected. He had a tiny smile on his lips, and he sighed, walking into the room, crouching over Jeonghan’s things. “So which ones should we move first? These books?”

Jeonghan nodded. “Sure.”

“You have fairytales, cool.” He muttered as he scooped up the books and brought them out. He’s quite relieved that the other seems cool about this and that he doesn’t mind that Jeonghan prefers to sleep in a different room. What Jeonghan is quite convinced of right now is that he has to at least make this infinitely less awkward.

 

The first few weeks went technically uneventful. Jeonghan would run off to work at the first sign of light, and sits in his cubicle the entire day, finishing his work, even resulted to binge-watching cat videos the entire day. Soonyoung picked up on the action and approached him that Friday afternoon, exactly one month after their wedding.

“Hey.” He slid over, dragging his chair with him.

“Yo.” Jeonghan bit his pencil, mulling over a whole palette of blues.

“How’s marriage?”

“Hmm.” He shrugged. Not really knowing how to describe it. He wasn’t happy, that’s for sure. But he wasn’t sad either, at least he was now away from his parents. He wasn’t ecstatic, and he wasn’t exactly bored, either. It’s almost as if nothing has changed except for the fact that he’s living with another man who prepares breakfast, keeps the house clean, and even washes Jeonghan’s clothes without even noticing that someone is doing them for him. Which is kind of weird, but he figures why not? It’s not like he’s willing to do all that work anyway. So he settles for ‘hmm’, whatever he means by that.

“Don’t you at least talk to him?”

“I never see him.”

Soonyoung ponders for a while, considering. “Is he nice?”

Jeonghan turns in his seat, thinking about it. When they first moved in, all the other did was help him with his things, arrange and make everything in their house habitable, and he does smile to Jeonghan whenever he gave him the chance.

“I think so.”

“Well, try and talk to him. Tell him why this is so unconventional and unnecessary for you; tell him. He’s the only who will understand, he’s the one married to you.”

 

For the first time in months, Jeonghan came early enough to find Seungcheol sitting on the table alone, eating a piece of asparagus. The other didn’t seem to notice him, sitting in a minimally lit dining table, deep in thought. The entire house was dark, except for the small overhead light over the dining area, illuminating the small space, with its lone diner, quietly munching on a vegetable, staring at his glass of water.

Jeonghan stepped forward, creating a sound that surprised the other.

“Oh, hi, you’re here.” He looked up, still looking kind of disoriented. “Have you had dinner?”

Jeonghan shook his head, having forgotten to pass by the convenience store to buy instant food. The other immediately stood up from his seat and prepared the table for another set.

“Oh, no, it’s okay, I can—”

The other shook his head, removing his own utensils from the table and discarding them on the sink after his has been perfectly set up. “No, it’s okay, I’m done eating anyway.” He continued putting side dishes on the table, complete like a mother has prepared it, and set a bowl of rice and a whole pot of hot stew in front of him.

“Your mom came over and brought all these.” He muttered, standing awkwardly. He sighed, wiped his hands then told him to have his dinner as he moved to the living room, turning the television on.

Jeonghan sat in front of the complete meal, slowly gaining his appetite from tasting his mothers’ cooking after weeks of instant food. He glanced over to Seungcheol who was perched on the couch, hugging his knees to his chest, the light of the TV illuminating his face. Why does he always sit in the dark like that? There have been many instances where he would come down to drink water and he’d find him somewhere within the house, sitting in the darkness, which has been one of the causes of Jeonghan’s jumpiness lately.

After finishing his meal, refrigerating the rest of the food and washing the dishes, which he would normally ignore, but in this instance, he did remember to do, he walked over to the living room and stood behind the couch awkwardly.

“Uhh, can I talk to you?” he asked. The other sprang up from his seat and rushed to turn the lights on.

“Sure,” he sat back on the couch, pointing to other, inviting him to sit, too. “What is it?”

Jeonghan sighed. He has practiced his entire speech on the way back, making sure he made sense. “I hate this,” Soonyoung suggested that it wasn’t a very good opening line but he insisted on it to make an impression. “I am not the settling down type. I am a party animal, if you may. For the past years, including my 4 years in college, all I did was go out, drink booze, sleep around, and leave before morning.”

The other didn’t look affronted, only shifted forward and rest his arms on his thighs, looking solemn.

“I had a whole year planned ahead of me, as preparation for a lifetime of…” he looked around.

“Prison?” the other offered, chuckling to himself.

“I was going to say ‘domesticity’.” He mumbled. “I didn’t expect I’d be married this time two months ago. And I hate this, I hate that I feel like I’m being locked down, forced to spend and eternity with a person I met only a few weeks before we were supposed to stay together, forever. I have always expected my hatred for this with my parents but they turned a blind eye.”

“It’s law, of course, they can’t do anything.”

“I was hoping, deep inside, that they can.” Jeonghan sighed, admitting something he hasn’t voiced out, even to himself before. “This is not me.”

The other nodded, leaning back down onto his chair. “I understand.”

Jeonghan looked at him, expecting him to say more, but he didn’t. That’s it? The other stood from his seat, smiling at Jeonghan. “I’m tired.” He smiled sheepishly. “Good night.” He walked away and went upstairs, leaving him on the living room, confused, and almost admittedly, guilty.

 

When Jeonghan went down for breakfast for the first time in months, he was kind of surprised not to find the other there, hopefully, so he can clear things up from last night. All he found was a thick envelope, with an engraving that said ‘Congratulations on your wedding!”

A wedding gift?

It was addressed to him.

To: Yoon Jeonghan

From: Choi Seungcheol

When he opened it, it was a thick wad of consent forms, signed Choi Seungcheol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you enjoy this chapter? What do you think of Jeonghan? Seungcheol?
> 
> Please leave comments down below!
> 
> Thank you very much for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Jeonghan sat at his desk, staring at the single consent form that he’s had for about a week now. Due to simple courtesy on his part, he hadn’t used any of them. He went home late, but not late enough for Seungcheol to think that he had just come back from a club or something. But he’s been itching to. He hasn’t come back to any of the clubs he was a regular at for almost two months now and he misses the taste of alcohol—or more specifically, alcohol in intense amounts, not the weak beer that he’d managed to fill their refrigerator with.

He turns to Mingyu, bent over a drawing table eraser something furiously.

“Hey,” he kicks his table, earning him a scowl. “Free tonight?” he smirks. Soonyoung is always free anyway so asking him is pointless.

“I can ask Wonwoo, why, are you?” he takes one of the consent slips and waves it in front of him, careful to make sure anyone won’t find out his husband apparently gave him a years’ supply of consent. “He’s chill, then?”

“Apparently, yeah.” He nods, putting the slip back on the envelope as Soonyoung slides over to them.

“What’s the 401?”

“We’re going out, tonight, prepare your belt.” Mingyu says, kicking his chair back to his station, making Soonyoung ‘woo’ in the process.

“You’ll call Jisoo?” he asked Mingyu, he nodded and went back to his work.

 

They’re all out in the parking lot, on the way to the club when he decides to do something.

“Hold on, let me just make a call. You go ahead, I’ll follow right away.” The rest of them, now with Seokmin and Jisoo, are nodding and beeping for their own cars. Jeonghan dials his husbands’ number, which his mother thought was important to save in his phone.

The line was answered after three rings. “Hi?”

“Seungcheol?”

There was silence on the other line, maybe the other wondering why the hell why he was calling him. “Jeonghan?”

“Yeah, uh, hey,” he hesitates, ever since he left the consent forms in the dining table that day, neither of them had decided to bring it up, and he doesn’t even know if this call is necessary. “I’m going to go out with my friends tonight.”

“Yeah?”

He wasn’t sure how to go on. “Uh, yeah, I just wanted to tell you.” He didn’t know if his voice sounded as awkward as he was actually feeling then.

“Yeah, okay, thank you.”

He stayed on the line, for whatever reason, he didn’t know what. Maybe he was just still feeling kind of guilty for being like this, for being who he is. And kind of sorry for who was unfortunate enough to marry him; a person who can’t commit even if the government actually requires him to. “Uh, have you had dinner?”

“No, but I plan to.” His husband chuckles on the other line. “You know, Jeonghan, you don’t have to feel compelled to humor me. I gave you those consent forms because what’s the point of not doing it? It’s not like we’re spending mad time together when we’re home, why not let you do whatever you want to do? There isn’t any difference, so you can stop feeling guilty about it. I told you, I understand.”

Well, that fixes it. “Okay. Well, bye.”

“Goodbye.”

 

Jeonghan lets himself go in the middle of that dance club, closing his eyes and swaying to the beat. Before, the thing that he hates most in bars is that he’s constantly groped and hit on, but now, clutching a beer in the hand that has the wedding ring, raising it up, he’s immune. It’s like everyone’s afraid of even having contact with him. The only people surrounding him are his friends, enjoying their Friday night.

He decides to rest for a while, shouting to Soonyoung that he’s going to join Jisoo in their table. He sits beside his best friend, quietly nursing his beer.

“Having fun?”

Jeonghan hesitated but said yes anyway.

“You hesitated.” Jisoo comments, nothing gets away from this guy, huh. “What’s wrong? Is married life that hard?”

“No, it’s not… I think. We haven’t really been communicating much.”

Jisoo sits back and relaxes. “I know you think there’s no chance,” he says. “But you need to give it one.” Mingyu comes out from the crowd and sat across them.

“Why so serious?” he takes one long sip of his beer and wipes his sweat off.

“Tell him how Wonwoo and you got here.” Jisoo crosses his legs. “He seems to consistently reject the fact that he might be able to live at least harmoniously with his husband.”

Mingyu chuckles and leans against the table. “90% of these marriages start as chaotic as you can imagine. Most of the pairs never meet each other until the first family meeting. Wonwoo and I met around seven days before our wedding you remember that, right? He takes another sip and swallows hard before he continued.

“The first few months were hell. Wonwoo, as you know, is not much of a talker, and I was unwilling to be married to the mute guy at 22. I was in the middle of my own mid-life crisis. My parents forbid me to leave the house aside from work-related stuff, and I was stuck in that house with a person who wouldn’t even squeak.”

Jeonghan listened, horrified. He hasn’t even heard this story before. All he knows is Mingyu got married, he fell in love with his husband, and now they’re inseparable. He has never heard this part before.

“You never listened to me whenever I talked to Wonwoo before so you might not know this, but we got so close to considering divorce.”

“But we’re not allowed to.”

“Exactly. That’s why the only option left was trying.” Wonwoo came back from the restroom and sat beside Mingyu, kissing him as soon as he sat down. Mingyu turned to face him after. “You should try harder, hyung.”

 

Mingyu and Wonwoo dropped him off at their house a little past 2 am, but when he stepped onto the porch, he can still hear the TV going on about blenders and blankets, most probably the middle-of-the-night home shopping network.

He tiptoed in quietly, just like he always does when he was living with his parents. But before, he tiptoed in because he was scared of getting caught and getting scolded, but now, he was just trying not to wake someone up.

“Why did he leave this on?” he muttered to himself, walking over to the couch to look for the remote, only to find his husband, sleeping there in a very unnatural position, like he just fell asleep when he didn’t want to; legs bent awkwardly and remote still pointing to the screen. He argued with himself about whether or not to wake the other up. He sat on the floor, stumbling slightly, and watched the other breathe evenly.

He thought about what Mingyu said about trying. He really didn’t know what to think about it. All he knows is right now; he can’t do anything about this marriage. He’s not allowed to get a divorce; they’re not allowed to live apart, they’re not allowed to take any form of legal separation, and that the man in front of him has done nothing to deserve any of that.

If he thinks he can’t fall in love with this person like Mingyu did with Wonwoo, he’d try his best and least be a good person to this person.

Right when he thought that, his husband shifted on the couch and woke up.

“Oh my God,” he twitched, surprised. “What time is it?”

Jeonghan glanced at his wristwatch, “It’s almost 3.” He shifted when the other stood up from his former position.

“I fell asleep.”

“I can see that.”

“How long have you been here?” he rubbed his eyes, yawning in the process.

“A few minutes,” he pointed to the television, “I tried to turn it off.”

The other nodded, standing up and walking to the kitchen. “You’re inebriated, you need to drink water.”

“Sure.” He stood up and followed him to the kitchen. He was handed a glass, and he took a sip as the other did, too. He still looked kind of disoriented and sleepy, eyes watering and lips pouting.

“Jeonghan?”

“Yeah?” he answered immediately, almost choking on the water that hasn’t successfully gone down the pipe yet.

“Can I ask you for a favor?” he smiled sheepishly, tapping his feet on the ground. “I’m supposed to do this with my brother but something came up and he can’t take me.”

“What is it?” he finished his glass of water and the other just filled it all up again and handed the glass back to him.

“I have two doctor’s appointments this week, and their advice is for me to look for someone to drive me back from the hospital.”

Jeonghan’s heart skipped a beat. Why? What’s wrong with him? Is he sick? “Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah! Of course, it’s nothing.” He waved him off, walking over to the sink and discarding his own glass of water. “Well, I’m actually not sure about that. The tests are for diagnosis.”

“What kind of tests are they? Are they that painful?”

“Kind of,” he shrugged. “I have a bone marrow biopsy on Monday and a lumbar puncture on Thursday.”

“Those sound scary.” He points out. Seungcheol chuckled waving his comment off again. “It’s nothing. I’m anemic so my doctor just advised it to be sure.”

“So, what time will those appointments be?” the glass of water was taken and refilled again, and he was nudged to down the whole thing.

“5pm.”

“Okay. I’ll be there.” Jeonghan was quite surprised how he’s not taking things too seriously and how he’s just agreed to pick up Seungcheol from the hospital.

To top it all off, the other seemed kind of thrown off by his agreement, too. But Jeonghan thinks, if only as payment for the consent slips, he can do two pickups, he’s not a monster.

Seungcheol excuses himself to go back to sleep and he watches him go upstairs, as he reminds himself to write a reminder for himself for those two appointments.

 

The next morning, he met up with his friends again, trying to have a quiet and healthy breakfast after that night of drinking. They rarely do this since they usually just get drunk again the night after but things have changed now, and most of them (specifically Jeonghan) haven’t even been to a bar for more than a month.

“No loud noises, please, my brain is fried.” Mingyu announced as soon as he sat down. Weirdly, Wonwoo didn’t look like he was hungover at all.

Seokmin and Soonyoung were unusually quiet, nibbling on their toast. “I shouldn’t have drunk that much,” Soonyoung mumbled. Jeonghan chuckled, maybe it was his alcohol tolerance or the fact that Seungcheol made him drink so much water enough to make him piss everything he drank, but he was feeling almost as fresh as a baby.

Jisoo, was, of course, feeling okay. He never did drink too much to give himself a hangover, anyway. He smiled in pleasure as he saw most of his friends suffer.

“How about you,” he turned to Jeonghan. “Why aren’t you hungover?”

“Seungcheol made me drink so much water last night, I probably pissed everything out.” He smiled.

All of them looked up, all with weird expression across their faces. Jeonghan suddenly felt defensive, knowing that his mannerisms made him look like he was warming up to Choi Seungcheol. “What? He’s kinda nice, piss off.”

“He’s not just kinda nice.” Jisoo insists. “I’ve had many conversations with the guy; he’s almost too nice actually.”

Jeonghan smiled, it did sound kind of like him. But what does he know, he’s doesn’t even know the other guy much, yet. He nibbled on his own toast, still kind of bothered about the tests that Seungcheol has to be too.

“Wonwoo,” he turned to Mingyu’s husband. “You’re a medical student, right?” Wonwoo looked up, surprised why Jeonghan is suddenly talking to him. Jeonghan isn’t even sure if these are the first words he’d addressed to the guy directly.

“Yes.” He answered in that low voice that they rarely hear.

“What is a bone marrow biopsy?” Wonwoo looked kind of panicked being asked a medical question.

“Uh,” he sits up, and gets ready to explain. “It’s a medical procedure where we remove a sample of the bone marrow for diagnosis of blood-related diseases.”

“The bone marrow is that red thing in the bone, right?” Seokmin asked curiously.

“Yeah, that’s it.”

“Then how do you remove it?” he followed-up.

“We insert a needle by this portion of the back,” he stands up and motions to his lower back on the right side. “Using a needle the size of a knitting pin and we insert that into your pelvis,” the people around the table either groaned or has a funny face on them right now. Jeonghan is currently sporting both, plus the horrified feeling that he was thinking about Seungcheol the whole time Wonwoo is describing. “Drilling into the bone, then we insert a syringe to suck the sample out.” He sat back down, looking kind of happy murderous after explaining.

“What the fuck?!” Mingyu looked at him, horrified.

“Is that really painful?”

“Humans have a different tolerance for pain, but it’s not like it’s a lumbar puncture.” Wonwoo laughs but the sound of his chuckles just scares Jeonghan more.

“What’s a lumbar puncture?”

“It’s when we extract a fluid from your nervous system, so we inject another knitting pin sized-needle into a spot between two spines,” the erase horrified facial expressions had come back. “And there’s a spot we look for to make sure that we’re extracting fluid.”

“What if you don’t get the right spot?”

“The needle is around this long,” he motions his hand to around 6 to 7 inches, “And we usually push it three-fourths in, we open the cover and we wait for the fluid to come out, it nothing does, we pull it out maybe up to a part where it’s still slightly in the skin, and then we adjust a little bit and press back in. We gather a few milliliters of fluid for examination, usually to test diseases or problems that include the nervous system.”

Everybody around the table had fallen into silence, especially Mingyu who had visibly paled. All them were pretty scared of these kinds of things, that’s why they never order a slasher movie for their movie nights because blood and flesh, and some medical procedures make them queasy; especially Mingyu. It’s kind of weird that he has married someone who’s probably going to do those things.

“Why did you ask?” Wonwoo asked silently, trying to break the silence.

Jeonghan hesitated; all eyes were on him now. But he decided to just go for it, there’s nothing special or romantic about it for them to tease anyway. “Seungcheol actually has a bone marrow biopsy on Monday and a lumbar puncture on Thursday.”

Jisoo gasped. “What’s wrong with him?”

“He’s anemic.”

“It’s not just that,” Wonwoo interjects. “Both lumbar puncture and bone marrow biopsy is used to detect cancer.”

Jeonghan gapes, realizing that he might just have to clear out his afternoon schedules to two days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I will post 2-3 times per week" I said  
> Fuck it, I will post when I want to post  
> Surprise mothafuckaaas
> 
> Please tell me what you think about this chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

Jeonghan rushed home right on the 12 o’clock mark on the wall clock. He was allowed to request for the afternoon off for Monday and Thursday off to accompany the son of the Director to his hospital appointment. It wasn’t like he gave the HR department a chance to refuse when he wrote down ‘Choi Seungcheol’ under spouse name.

He arrives at their house a little before 1 and it was least to say he was surprised. He still had his mouth full and was chewing when Jeonghan appeared in the doorway. He gaped and forced himself to swallow as Jeonghan smiled stupidly. “Why are you here?”

“I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“But I only need someone to take me back.” He muttered to himself, obviously feeling kind of shy.

“Nah,” Jeonghan shrugged, walking over the refrigerator to get some water. “I want to watch.” He reasoned although that was not entirely true—well, that is totally untrue, there is nothing more in this world he would hate to see more than a needle going onto someone else’s bone: no thanks.

“I feel like a zoo animal.” He commented off-handedly, Jeonghan might deny in the future that that stung.

“I asked Wonwoo about it and it sounded kind of painful, so…” he stood there awkwardly, pretending to sip his water so he can stop himself about where he was originally going with that one.

“Who’s Wonwoo?” he stood up, plate in hand, which he immediately discarded on the sink.

“Remember the tall broody looking guy on the wedding? Mingyu’s husband? He’s studying to be a doctor so I asked him about them.” He smiled sheepishly, hoping Seungcheol won’t feel affronted by the fact that he practically told all of his friends that he’s going on a sensitive doctor’s appointment.

“Well,” he smiled, somewhat kind of totally genuine, he thinks, considering as it looks different from all the other smiles he’s given him. “It would kind of help if there was someone I could squeeze to death.” He teased.

“I’d be glad to die for that purpose.” He answered dramatically, making the other laugh even more. Oh no, shit, wait. Was he flirting? What the fuck is going on right now? He can’t be doing that, right? Abandon ship, abandon ship. “Anyway, I got the entire afternoon off, so I’m at your perusal.” He made a tiny curtsy.

“Thank you.” The other muttered, still standing by the sink quite awkwardly, not really knowing what to do. Ever since they got married, they haven’t had a lot of time alone together, and with all the times that they were, they never really stayed together. They just kind of existed around the house, together, not even interacting. “What did you have for lunch?” just like always, Choi Seungcheol always breaks the silence by asking him if he’s eaten anything.

“Uh, nothing.” He shrugs, perfectly knowing that in 3, 2, 1—his husband will immediately react and quickly put food in front of him like he’s some malnourished puppy he found on the street. “I’m not very hungry.” He mutters quietly as he starts heating up all kinds of things. “This slice of pizza will do.” He points to the slice that Seungcheol has taken out of the refrigerator.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m not much of a lunch person.” He steps aside as Seungcheol busies again with trying to return everything. He watched him work on the kitchen counter, focused as if he’s a college student and wiping the counter is his final exam. He remembers seeing him in the company hallway now if he just imagined him with hair slicked up and in an expensive suit, he can definitely remember that one young executive every single female employee cranes their neck at.

Sure, Kim Mingyu steals enough attention as he walks in, proud in 6’1 and goofy all-teeth smile, every person in the office with a functioning heart and eyes would crane their neck at him; but there was something different about the darkness in how Seungcheol usually looked, he was slightly shorter than Mingyu, but was totally set much wider, and much more built. Plus, he oozes charisma, it’s like he has an unlimited amount of those and he just dropped them wherever he went.

At home, though, when his hair is down and just washed, messy and uncombed, plus the starry pajamas, the sight of that sophisticated aristocrat-looking executive is immediate washed-off Jeonghan’s brain.

“Here,” he sets the hot pizza in front of him. “I’m going upstairs for a while.” Jeonghan nodded nibbling on his food.

When Seungcheol did come down, he was dressed casually, almost extremely attractively in jeans, oversized shirt, and Doc Martens, but he was wearing a black bucket hat.

“Stop right there.” He sat up from the couch, still holding the remote. “Throw that shit away.”

“What?”

“That hat,” he grimaces. “Either burn it or make sure I never see it again, because I will burn it.” For a second there Jeonghan sounded like his mother making his father throw that stupid Pokémon tie away.

Seungcheol pouted and glared at him, extremely cutely but Jeonghan would never admit that, as he grumbled and went back upstairs to get rid of it.

Once he did come back, he finally looked perfect. He actually looked like he was about to walk in a runway instead of a doctor’s appointment but Jeonghan’s not complaining. He glanced at the clock, and he realized that it’s still 1 in the afternoon.

“Why are you dressed so early?” he watches him as he sits beside him on the couch, taking the remote from him.

“I was thinking we would stop by the grocery store, we don’t have food except for the ones your mom sent us.” He said simply, scanning for the cartoon channels. “WE BARE BEARS!” Jeonghan jumped when the other suddenly screeched out loud.

Seungcheol chuckled, shy. “I like We Bare Bears.” He smiled to himself.

Jeonghan can’t help but smile, too. He didn’t watch cartoons that much but Jeongah did and she loves We Bare Bears, too, for some weird reason. “When do you plan to go?” he teases, trying to peel Seungcheol’s eyes away from the dancing panda.

“When this finishes, I promise.” He’s laughing but Jeonghan doesn’t really get it. It’s three bears, dancing in a carnival of some sort.

“What’s going on?” he asks, focusing on the rapping brown bear and the emotionless white bear; and right now everything looks like these three bears are Soonyoung (dancing panda), Mingyu (rapping brown bear), and Wonwoo (the emotionless bear), and he swears this scene might have happened in real life with the three of them: Soonyoung and Mingyu being their usual weird and hyper selves and Wonwoo supporting Mingyu in whatever he’s doing no matter how idiotic it makes him look like.

“They’re trying to get adopted.”

“Adopted?” Seungcheol nods sadly, but still quite smiling. “They’re orphans?”

“Yeah. They’re trying to appeal to the crowd to get adopted, poor babies.”

Jeonghan sat comfortably, watching the bears get up to no good as Seungcheol smiled constantly in his seat. He didn’t deem it possible but there’s something that feels extremely warm whenever he laughs, the sound itself calms him, makes him feel like he can just recline, close his eyes and listen to it.

“It’s done.” Jeonghan starts when the other suddenly turned to look at him. “Let’s go?”

Jeonghan nodded, not just plainly startled but surprised, realizing what he had been thinking of before he was interrupted.

They finished grocery shopping, with Seungcheol on the cart pushing business while Jeonghan picked. He was the pickier one, after all. Grocery shopping is where you realize what another person hates, apparently, and for Choi Seungcheol, that’s garlic.

They’re at the hospital right now, in one of the examination rooms where Jeonghan was allowed in to watch, he didn’t want to, though, despite that fact that he told Seungcheol he wanted to. The doctor was stern and serious looking, but he did kind of look like the type to finish these processes in one go.

“I’d need you to sit here, Mr. Choi.” He pointed on the bed perched quite high, while Jeonghan was instructed to sit on the chair facing him. His husband smiled nervously at him, his eyes quite shaky, and fingers trembling.

The doctor cleared his throat and instructed Seungcheol to remove his shirt. Despite the seriousness of their situation, Jeonghan was still quite looking forward to seeing him under the shirt, innocence be damned and pervert be released. The other pulled his shirt all the way through, handing it to Jeonghan for him to hold, but he was still quite distracted by what his husband has been hiding underneath after all. He was packed and firm, and fit, aside from the strong looking abdomen, what totally stole the show were his arms.

“What?” his husband asked, making Jeonghan look away from his ogling.

“You look healthy.” He squeaks.

The doctor interrupted them, making him lie down on his side, as the procedure is about to start. He took a deep breath and exhaled as if he was the one on that table, more nervous that he was supposed to sing on stage when he was in 2nd grade.

“Don’t worry, we’ll put anesthesia.” The doctor comforted, although he has a feeling the comfort was for him and not Seungcheol. He watched as the doctor inserted a normally sized syringe and injected anesthesia on Seungcheol’s back. “Despite the anesthesia, you will still feel a little prick as we remove the sample so be ready for that, okay?” Seungcheol nods.

As the doctor pulled out what Wonwoo described as the ‘knitting-pin-sized-needle’, Jeonghan had an instant urge to push away the doctor and run away with Seungcheol. That looks scary. With a split second decision, he held out his hand and pulled Seungcheol’s to his. “You can squeeze me if it’s painful.” He says.

Seungcheol looks up at him and smiles, accepting his hand. His husband looked serene at first but then the doctor slid the needle in, making him grip at Jeonghan’s hand slightly. He relaxed for a while before he winced again, holding onto Jeonghan’s hand for dear life, squeezing him infinitely harder than the last one; and longer, too.

He let out a shaky breath as the doctor started pulling the red substance out and eventually pulling the needle out of his husband. He started loosening his grip as the doctor started patching his back up.

“I will need you to lie on your back for around 20 minutes,” Seungcheol turned and lay flat as the doctor looked at his wristwatch. “I will come back by then and I will check if you can go, okay?” he nods slowly, looking kind of pale. The doctor left the two of them in the room, with Seungcheol audibly sighing every now and then.

“Can you talk?” he asked.

“Painful.” The other answered quietly.

“Okay. Tap me if you need anything.” He pulled out his phone and started texting Mingyu.

Yoon Jeonghan: yo

Kim Mingyu: where r u

Kim Mingyu: y r u absent

Yoon Jeonghan: cheol’s dr’s apt

Kim Mingyu: but u only had to pick him up right

Yoon Jeonghan: i came along

Kim Mingyu: y

Yoon Jeonghan: sounded painful 2 me

Kim Mingyu: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Kim Mingyu: Jeonghan and Seungcheol sitting in a tree

Yoon Jeonghan: don’t do it, hoe

Kim Mingyu: k-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i

Yoon Jeonghan: ?????

They went home that afternoon after Seungcheol started feeling infinitely better, and for that night and the next few days, he volunteered to do the household chores and the cooking around the house, making sure he didn’t move that much because his puncture was still painful and he had to take more painkillers which made him sleep a lot.

Come Thursday where he had another doctor’s appointment for a lumbar puncture. Jeonghan was driving him to the hospital, having taken another afternoon off for it. He felt kind of apprehensive about this, Seungcheol’s back, although sort of healing, was still kind of painful, and now he’s about to be stabbed by that mini-knife which extracted him, again?

“Should we reschedule?” he didn’t know when that ‘I’ started becoming ‘we’ but for the sake of the fact that they’re both on the way to the car right now, he lets it go. “They’re going to stab you again.” He complained, not knowing why he went from ‘I want this boy gone’ to ‘I don’t want them to stab you again’. If it was his humanity or something else, he didn’t want to think about it.

“I’m okay. Besides, I’d be getting my results for both tests tomorrow and I’d rather know quickly than wait in agony.” He chuckles. Jeonghan started to think of it, what if there was something wrong with Seungcheol? What if he was sick? What’s going to happen to him?

, Of course, he’d have to take care of him, and his family is rich enough to give him anything he needs, but still—being married right now is far better to think about being a widower.

At the hospital, the same doctor came in again, in the same room, asking Seungcheol to lie in the same position, asking Jeonghan to do the same thing he did the last session. “Although this time, I’d like you to prepare for pain.” He said directly to him. Is he the one getting tested on here? He pulled another needle from his tray but this time, it looked so much more like a drilling machine than the last one. Plus, the fact that he actually needed an assistant for this makes Jeonghan feel even so much worse.

Seungcheol was asked to bend further to curl his back, “So the gap between two spines widen, so we have more space, and to make sure we won’t hit the spine.” The doctor explains as he pokes around Seungcheol’s back. “I’m scared.” He whispers at Jeonghan, making Jeonghan lean into him to talk. “It’s okay, as long as you stay still and grit tight, it won’t last long, okay?” he didn’t really know where this is all coming from. From an outsiders point of view it might have looked weird, the lanky, frail-looking pale boy was whispering comforting words to a much firm and stronger looking one.

Suddenly, Seungcheol gasped and almost choked as the needle was inserted onto his back, making him clutch onto Jeonghan. “Painful?” the doctor asked.

“Not yet, just surprised.” He answered, relaxing. But then the doctor started pressing further, making his husband cling onto him, shaking, and tearing up. The doctor gave one last press further in, making Seungcheol cry quietly, as the nurse started assisting the doctor with a sort of long tube. Jeonghan leans into him, with a really strong urge to cry; mostly it was because of the painful gripping he thinks, but also admittedly because he was crying. For some weird reason he almost feels how painful it is, and he has a much stronger urge to convince the doctor to pass the pain onto him if that was even possible. He frowns, and leans his forehead over to his cheek, as he exhales when the needle was pulled out.

“Thank you.” Seungcheol whispers, his breath ghosting Jeonghan’s face. Jeonghan smiles and exhales, not even realizing he was holding it in the first place.

Because of post-lumbar headaches and various pains in his body, the doctor insisted that Seungcheol stay the night in the hospital. Jeonghan went home for a while to heat some of the stew his mother made him and picked up some fresh clothes for both of them before coming back to the hospital to watch over him.

He called the HR department early morning when he woke, to make sure he doesn’t incur any unexcused absences. It’s not like he’s going to be fired anyway, he’s the owner’s son-in-law, and he’s absent for looking after his son in the hospital, that in itself was like immunity already.

The doctor arrived around noon with charts in his hands, constantly checking on Seungcheol for other more pains in his body. Jeonghan sat on the couch, looking tired from staying up almost the entire night. He tended to Seungcheol who constantly moaned in pain in the middle of the night and he had to call nurses to administer painkillers again.

“Your test results are out.” Jeonghan sat straight as if they were his results. “From your lumbar puncture, we found nothing, negative from brain cancer, contrary to what was predicted.” Seungcheol smiled, as he anticipated the next one as the doctor flipped on his papers.

“From your bone marrow sample, we found something.”

Jeonghan gasped inwardly as he met his eyes with Seungcheol.

“Positive for chronic anemia, negative for leukopenia, and leukemia.”

Both sighed in relief as the doctor started listing off treatments and signing off a prescription, before telling him he’s discharged from the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "forced himself to swallow" FORESHADOWING??? hahaha kidding
> 
> a poem about stupid hats, for svt & their bucket hats:  
> (a poem from how i met your mother)
> 
> i hate that stupid hat  
> i want to beat it with a bat  
> or maybe stab it with a fork  
> it makes you look like such a dork
> 
> from: me
> 
> jeonghan checked him out, thoroughly checked him out, geddit boi
> 
> anyone who watches parks and rec religiously (like me) can point out the reference/line i used from the series
> 
> i just decided to get this out of the way, SEUNGCHEOL'S NOT SICK DON'T WORRY FOLKS
> 
> tell me what you think!!!! hehehehehehehehe
> 
> and i stand by what i said, i will post when i want to post, there is no schedule hahahahaha


	5. Chapter 5

Even though it took a few days, Seungcheol eventually feel better. His headaches and back pains lessened and the only thing that’s left is a random tingling along his leg from time to time. Jeonghan insisted he stay at home and rest, though, as Jeonghan went to work every day and even filed his sick leave for him. The people from the HR department always stared at him curiously, and sometimes maybe even teasing him. He can’t but think that right now, he might be the envy of a lot of people within the company, all those eyes craning to check Seungcheol is now controlled by Jeonghan’s presence.

“How is he?” asked Mingyu one time, all of them were kind of chilling, as they had just finished all the major designs on their deadlines and there weren’t many new tasks, yet. “He’s getting better.” Jeonghan smiles.

“Tell me the truth,” he slides his chair closer so he can whisper. “You’re really warming up to him, are you?”

“I won’t really call it ‘warming up’” he begins, “I just started treating him as he is, putting into mind the fact that he had nothing to do with any of these.”

“You realized that.” He smiles. “Finally.”

“I mean, he’s very handsome, he’s very kind, and he’s smart, too, it wouldn’t really be difficult to be affectionate with him, right?”

Mingyu smiled smugly, looking proud of him for some unknown reason. “You have a crush on him.”

“We’re married.”

“Still.”

The night, Seungcheol apparently felt so much better that he managed to go downstairs himself and order pizza. Jeonghan hasn’t even stepped into the house and the smell of pizza has already permeated his senses and he rushes in to find Seungcheol in the living room, a box of 4-cheese pizza, and a whole bottle of cola already perched on the table as he fumbled with the remote.

“Jeonghaaaaaan.” He called out, inviting him over the couch. “Movie suggestion, please.” Jeonghan rushes over and jumps on the sofa right beside Seungcheol, he almost leaned in for a kiss but he forgot they weren’t doing that.

“No horror, no slashers. That’s my rule.”

“Coward.” The other teased.

“Bloodthirsty.” He teased right back. He does look over to him to smooth over his line of interrogation ever since his husband got out of the hospital. “Is anything painful?”

Seungcheol shakes his head no, scoffing lightheartedly at him. “I’m okay now.”

“Be honest.” He insists, making Seungcheol point to his back. “Can I check it?”

“The nurse came over today and checked it, you don’t have to.” He complained. But Jeonghan nudges his a little and pulls his shirt up anyway. He checks for the bruising around the area, it has minimized a lot and it wasn’t bleeding anymore. “So only the bruise is painful now?” he pushed down on it softly, making him wince. “But there’s nothing else?”

“Nothing else.” Jeonghan glares at him. “I promise!” he pushes him away, selecting a movie Jeonghan isn’t familiar with. “Have you seen this before?” he asks.

“No.” he answers. “I was just told it was nice.” Jeonghan sat comfortably, pulling his feet up onto the couch and sipping on his drink. They both turned silent as the movie began.

The movie was about a guy who can turn back the time and uses that ability to make sure he gets together with the girl he coincidentally met on a literal blind date. It was funny, quiet, and most of all, touching. It almost establishes to you the importance of time and taking every moment as if it’s your last. So Jeonghan treats this moment as if it’s his last and leans over to Seungcheol to cuddle closer. He hugs his arm and rested his cheeks there.

At that moment in the movie where it’s the protagonists’ last moment with his father, Jeonghan tears up and moves away from Seungcheol, but he was pulled back in, as Seungcheol leans against him. He doesn’t know what this means, all he knows is that he loves this feeling, cuddling up close to him. If he was inebriated and out of control right now, he would maybe even try and kiss him. Just for the thought of it. He really wanted to do it, but he was scared it would destroy this moment. He’s already having so much fun.

Oh good Lord.

He had turned into the guy he teased Mingyu about.

Home early. Why did he go home early? He had something to do. Be honest. He wanted to Seungcheol.

Watching a movie. It’s his idea.

Cuddling to his husband. He looks like he’s really comfy.

Wanting to make out with him and just him. That’s weird.

The movie finished and Seungcheol excused himself to go to bed. Jeonghan let him go but he didn’t want to, yet, so he followed him to the kitchen and drank water with him, he even followed him upstairs. Seungcheol suddenly turns around arms across his chest. “What’s wrong with you?”

Jeonghan raised his eyebrows surprised. “If you’re still worried about me dying, that’s not going to happen so you can quit, whatever this is.”

Whatever what is? And what is the thinking, why is it turning cold, he was warm just a while ago. “What do you mean?”

“This clingy, cuddly, thing, it’s weird.” He huffs. “It hasn’t even been long when you said you ‘hated this’ and now you’re doing this. If this is because I was sick, then okay. But I’m not sick now, so quit acting like you want to follow me around.”

Jeonghan frowned, kind of hurt, but he does know why this confuses him, it really hasn’t been long since he was so opposed to all of this, but he thinks it was just because of the scare, of all the procedures, of all the thinking he might be extremely sick, that he realized that he didn’t like to see him hurting, not at all, plus the thought of him dying? It delivers a shiver around his spine, giving him the strongest urge to fight death as if one of them has died on the other before.

“Kiss me.” Jeonghan blurts out.

“What?”

“Kiss me.” Seungcheol remained rooted to his spot, gaping at the now reckless Yoon Jeonghan. When he still didn’t move, Jeonghan closed the distance, pushing Seungcheol against the wall and leaning in to kiss him. When their lips touched, Jeonghan had that feeling of fireworks against his stomach again, just like when he first kissed him on their wedding day. It was chaste, closed lips on another closed ones. He moves his lips a little, prodding the other to do the same. Seungcheol moved his a little, kissing him back.

He pulled away, panting, even though they hadn’t really been kissing too much then, but he was breathless. He looked Seungcheol in the eye, testing the waters. The other still looked hazy, like he was drunk or something. “Let’s do it again,” Jeonghan whispered, as he pulled his husband by the neck.

They kissed again, but this time harder, but slower, torturing them both, but it was the perfect pace, Jeonghan pressing his kisses harder, probing his tongue on the others’ lips, making him gasp. Jeonghan took that as his chance, as he pushed his tongue in and deepened the kiss. Seungcheol’s one hand was on his nape while the other was around his waist, pulling him impossibly closer, he gives into the distance, cupping his face with his hands.

He pulled away abruptly, realizing what he had just been doing. He was kissing the person he didn’t even want to get married to, and worse, he likes it, he likes it a lot, and he likes it too much that he wants to do it again, and exclusively, what is wrong with him?

He looks up and looks his husband in the eye, he looked strong and firm, but he can feel the hand on his waist tremble and the hand on his neck losing its grip. But he still hasn’t had enough, so he decided to ask.

“Can I do it again?” Seungcheol’s head move up and down in a small nod and in no time, he’s kissing him again, pressing him against the door, and it’s almost impossible how addicted Jeonghan is to this already, the others’ lips move perfectly against him, making him feel like all the other kisses in his life were just mosquito bites, but this, this is the real thing, and every mediocre human being who kissed Jeonghan before were the silly appetizers, while this is the main course, the only thing that you buy the whole meal for.

He wraps his arms around him and runs it against Seungcheol’s hair, feeling the soft locks against his skin as Seungcheol braves and moves his tongue against his, making Jeonghan moan and pull on his hair in the process. He pulls away abruptly, the sensations too much for him and if he went on, he wouldn’t have stopped himself from doing something rash. “Fuck.” He swears as they disconnect with a pop.

“You need to go to sleep.” He pants, leaning his forehead against the others’. “Rest.” He kisses his temple, released his husband from his grip and turns to his room, muttering a small, ‘goodnight’.

The next day at work Jeonghan is anything but focused, he keeps thinking about the kiss, and not just the kiss but desperately wanting to do it again. He wants to take Choi Seungcheol by his shoulders, slam him against any flat surface, and kiss the soul out the human.

It makes everything worse when Seungcheol arrives at their department around lunch time, peeking in cutely, which just makes Jeonghan want to wrestle mania his ass. Everybody stood up and bowed to him as he whispered ‘Jeonghan’ and motioning for him to come out. Everybody looked at him teasingly but he can’t help but rush off from his seat and smile at him enthusiastically.

He was probably talking about something but all Jeonghan can think of is kissing him, lips, yes, I can do it here, oh my god no, everyone is staring, I can’t just make out with him here. “Are you listening?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t catch that?” he smiled stupidly, laughing inwardly at himself for being such a perv.

“Do you want to have lunch together?”

“I already ate,” he frowned if he had known he would have held out longer. “But I can come with you if you want.”

“No, it’s okay.” Seungcheol shifted awkwardly. “So, see at home tonight.” He was about to leave but Jeonghan has this idea where—he pulled Seungcheol to him and kissed him on the lips, pressing tightly once, then backed away. He can hear the eavesdroppers and oglers gasp, but it was worth it, seeing Choi Seungcheol blush from his face to his ears, even up to his arms. “See you.”

And now it’s almost time to leave the office and he’s scared of what he might do if he’s alone in a house with Seungcheol. Choi Seungcheol that he wants to make out with. A lot. “Mingyu, are you and Wonwoo and everyone else I love free tonight?” he asked, almost desperately.

“Why?”

“I need to get out of the house.” Not seeing the whole thing with the kissing at lunchtime, Mingyu immediately assumed that he just wanted to be away from Seungcheol because of negative reasons.

“I’ll call them.”

And that’s how they all got into the club again, Jeonghan dancing half-heartedly in between sweaty bodies, swaying to the music and nursing a glass of scotch when he’d just taken around 7 shots of tequila before. To say that he was pissed drunk again was an understatement.

He hasn’t even been on the floor for long when a hand felt him up. If this was 5 months ago Jeonghan, he would have turned around, grind with the man that groped him, took him home, and wrecked him. This Jeonghan though turned around, glared at the not-so-good-looking man, held his left hand in his face and shouted, “I'm married, asshole! MARRIED.” The man walked away, leaving Jeonghan to sway to the music again. However, he was immediately hugged by another man.

“I appreciate that you’re kind of defensive about your marriage, but you’re in a bar.” He turned abruptly and faced Choi Seungcheol, smiling at him, obviously very sober. “You should have fun!”

“Cheol!” he gasps and pulls him away from the dance floor by the wrist, not even thinking about the fact that it’s the first time he called Seungcheol with a nickname. He walked him back to their table where everyone was still playing drinking games and being rowdy, cheering when Cheol sits down with them.

“How did you find me?” Jeonghan half-shouted in the noisy club.

“I called him!” Jisoo interjected. He nods at Jisoo, his drunk brain saying ‘thank you, bff’ because now that he’s found something more addicting than getting drunk, even getting drunk stopped being fun and he just wanted to see him and kiss him again.

“I wanted to come out and check the infamous bar.” He smiles as he takes one beer from Wonwoo.

“You’re here, you’re physically here, right?” Jeonghan tries to clarify, thinking that he might have been wanting to see Cheol too much he’s hallucinating.

“I’m here.” He answers, taking a swig of his beer.

Jeonghan mutters ‘yay’ before pulling his face and kissing his cheeks, then his forehead, then his nose, and then his cheek again, then his eyebrows, the space between his eyes, his jaw, his temple, making everyone look at them.

Jeonghan even takes it to the next level and climbs over his lap, kissing him again on the tip of his nose. He decides to go lower and starts kissing his jaw, down to his neck, tickling him in the process. “Jeonghan?” he chuckles, looking at his friends, eyes locked on the two of them, feeling conscious. Jeonghan ‘hmms’ but continues on kissing his shoulder, and even as far as licking his collarbone, anyway. “I have no idea what’s going right now.” Cheol shrugs over him, stifling a moan when Jeonghan sucks against his neck while caressing his waist.

Some guy stops by their table and nods like he’s urging Jeonghan to go on.

“That’s my husband you pervert!” Cheol shouts, chasing the guy away as he raises a ‘fuck you’ using his ring finger instead of his middle finger.

Jeonghan laughs against his skin, coming back up to rest his cheek against his. “We’re both too aggressive today.” He sighs against him, he doesn’t what feeling this is, warmth against everything in his body, and he admits that he had never felt happier in his entire life.

If kissing Cheol, and hugging him, and clinging to him, and chasing off perverts with him, and shouting ‘he’s my husband’ at people with him makes him feel like this? He doesn’t mind doing it a lot more.

He doesn’t know if for the first time in his life he’s falling in love, and he doesn’t want to dwell and think about it, but all he knows is that he likes how it is now, and he’s just going to leave it that way.

He wraps a hand around his neck, and kisses him, making Cheol wrap his arms around his waist. He smiles against his lips, alternating between smiling and pressing their lips together. Cheol disconnects as Soonyoung pokes him.

“Yeah?”

“Soonyoung, interrupting!” Jeonghan slurs.

“How many times has Jeonghan kissed you?”

Cheol chuckles at the weird question but answers it anyway, but faced Jeonghan first. “How would you count last night, one, or three?”

“Three, definitely three.”

“So three, last night, one this afternoon, and then one again, today. So five.”

“That’s a record!” Jeonghan drunken friends toasted, drinking their own liquors. “Jeonghan has never kissed anyone more than twice in his entire life, congratulations!” Soonyoung slapped another bottle of beer onto Cheol’s chest as they continue with their drinking game.

“You’ve never kissed anyone more than twice in your life?”

Jeonghan nods, kissing him again, but Cheol pulls away, smiling, pretty damn proud of himself. “Who’s the one who got two kisses?”

“Mingyu.”

“What?!”

“Oh my god, please don’t murder me.” Mingyu blocks himself with his lanky arms, a drunk Wonwoo hugging him and glaring at Cheol, slipping over the phrase, ‘don’t murder him’ in his drunken tongue. “It was a one-time thing back in college and we tried it out, we both didn’t want to get married. He kissed me before the sex, and another pity kiss when it finished. And that is before and after sex, that doesn’t count.”

“Has anybody else received two?”

Jeonghan coos at him, pinching his cheeks. “Everyone I kissed was because of sex,” he hiccups, “I’ve kissed you five times in two days, and I haven’t even slept with you. Stop complaining and be happy you’re the one I want to kiss forever.”

Cheol smiles at him. “You want to kiss me forever?”

The rest of his group of friends gapes, with Mingyu saying, “All this kissing? And you haven’t had sex yet?”

“A PRETTY DAMN HIGH SCORE FOR THE RECORD!” they all cheer and took another shot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you wanted fluff? okay then welcome to the fuff!
> 
> you want smut? NEARLY THERE
> 
> you want angst? it will be somewhere in the far future
> 
> i have been writing drunk jeonghan for more than an hour now so i feel kinds drunk myself i feel weird
> 
> please take my shitty written fluff and pls enjoy it, i dont have anything better hahahahahahah thanks
> 
> thank you for reading, and please leave comment! thank youuuuu


	6. Chapter 6

Jeonghan woke up with a thumping headache. He felt like there was a bad taste in his mouth so he’s pretty sure he’s vomited multiple times the night before.

What the fuck happened to him?

He turned in bed, only then realizing that he wasn’t in his. His arm hit another and he almost jumped when the figure beside him moved. “Fuck!”

“It’s too early for expletives.” Seungcheol grumbled from where he was lying, shielding his face from the morning sun. “And too early for light, can you get the blinds for me?” he rolled over to Jeonghan, clasping his arm.

“I’m too hungover to stand.” He groaned. “Let’s just go back to sleep and ignore the fucking blinds.” He turned to face his husband, who was sporting a tiny smile, despite his closed eyes and knit eyebrows. Jeonghan has lost all the courage he had from last night, vomited into a bin, or wherever he spewed his guts out. So he lay still, battling with himself whether to reach over for a much-wanted cuddle or not.

Seungcheol made the decision for him, though, when he reached over and pulled Jeonghan over into a hug, resting his chin onto the top of his head. He remained still for as long as he can imagine, squished against the others’ chest. He can remember kissing him two days ago and wanting to do it again, but he doesn’t know what he did last night that made Seungcheol comfortable with this physical affection, too.

What did he do last night?

Oh my God, did they—he looked down, trying to gauge if he was hurting anywhere or if he had clothes on, and he did.

“Don’t worry nothing happened.” Cheol’s throat vibrated against his head. Jeonghan sighed in relief but stopped to think right after. Whenever he wakes up with another guy beside him, he never does worry if he did sleep with him, it makes him self-conscious and confused as to why he’d feel like it would be bad if he had slept with him.

What was it?

Did he not want to do it? Well, he was a married guy with a husband he’d very much want to bang, so that’s out of the picture?

Was it because he was drunk last night? What about it? The situations that got him ending up in a bed, couch or floor with another person almost always started with him being drunk and going to the bar to get laid in the first place. He liked it when it happened, he felt physically good when he woke up, and he’d forget anything ever did happen; sometimes to the point of not even remembering who he went to bed with.

Or maybe that was it.

Because he didn’t want to be drunk when it happens; he wanted to look into Choi Seungcheol’s eyes as he does, he wants to see his face, mark his expressions in his brain forever, making sure he never forgot how it was with him. Because for the first time in his life, he wanted to sleep with someone, remember it, and actually stay in bed the morning after. And maybe with a little cuddling, too.

Jeonghan shudders at the thought.

When had he started getting this sappy, and vomit-inducing?

If there was something that Yoon Jeonghan was not, it was definitely monogamous. All he has known in his life is that no one can actually stay with one person for the rest of their lives, right? That’s why marriage is such bullshit, because what are you supposed to do with just one person for around 50 years, then? By that time he thinks he’d be familiar with the others’ farts already and that did not sound appealing even for just one bit.

Maybe he feels this way right now because he’s stuck with him. That’s it, right? Because he’s accepted the fact that he has no choice but to stay with this man, he should just enjoy it. Yeah, that’s it.

“What are you thinking?” Seungcheol pulled his face away and looked at him, frowning. “I can hear your brain churning from up here.”

Jeonghan was about to say something really stupid but then he looked up, looked at his pouting face, and everything in him turned stupid. His brain suddenly paused, he kept on trying to think about what he was about to say but he just forgot it, he really did turn stupid. He started laughing, mostly because he was coming up with a blank, not just for his entire brain but also for the reason why he’s laughing.

“Are you going crazy?” his husband asked, quite amused.

Maybe that’s what’s going on. “Maybe, yeah.” Seungcheol smiled with those beautiful gums of his, throwing his head back, exposing his neck to Jeonghan, and he suddenly remembered everything that happened the night before.

The kissing. Oh good Lord, all the kissing. Whenever he tried to come up with a memory, and all that he remembers is a good 90% of kissing. Especially his neck. Last night was an example of moments where you just find that spot on a person and you just want to do everything to it (It may or may not include thoughts of bondage and choking but 7 am probably might not be the perfect time for that). Seungcheol’s neck was smooth and thick like he’s built to be a total Adonis, which he is, but he is so much more perfect than any other built person.

Jeonghan decides to just stick on being reckless as he takes the neck exposure as a chance to pounce. He climbs over his husband and pins him down with his hips, and he bends forward to plant a kiss on his Adam’s apple.

“You’re there again.” Seungcheol comments, making the skin under Jeonghan’s lips vibrate. He hums against the skin and moves to the side, planting butterfly kisses against the warm skin, as his husbands’ arms come around him to caress his back. “You’re touchy lately, what’s going on?” he continues on probing despite the fact that Jeonghan doesn’t seem to pay any attention to his questions whenever he’s busy like this.

“You’re just…” Jeonghan kisses his jaw. “I don’t know.” He stops and looks at him in the eye while still straddling. “I just can’t get enough of you.” He admits, leaning over again to hide his reddening cheeks. He wraps an arm around his favorite part of his body and hugs him close, resting his face on the spot where the neck meets the shoulder, inhaling deeply. “You’re so perfect.”

Seungcheol laughs bashfully, his body heating up because of the compliment. “Nice.”

“What, nice, I’m telling the truth. You’re perfect and flawless, and you’re awesome.” Jeonghan turns his head and kisses his ear, and proceeds to the neck. They’re both attached to each other while Jeonghan settles to languidly stroking his husband’s entire face and neck with his lips when they were forced to stop their fun when the door opened.

“EW!” there was a high screech before the door was slammed back shut.

Jeonghan looked to him in panic as they both started to realize who that was. “They’re here, shit.” He reluctantly peels himself off and grabs the nearest robe and rushes out of the room, discovering both their parents and Jeongah standing just outside the door, with a myriad of facial expressions on them. The fathers’ sported teasing smiles as the mothers’ sported shy ones, why Jeongah just looks angry that they destroyed her eyes.

“Hi!” Jeonghan greet in panic and Seungcheol followed after him, also in a robe that was obviously Jeonghan’s. “What are you doing here?” he leads both their families into the living room as their parents’ stumbled with their words.

“I’m so sorry we interrupted.” Jeonghan’s mother chuckled gently, making them both flush down to their toes.

“It’s okay,” Cheol started, distributing glasses and handing Jeonghan the pitcher of water. “There’s nothing to interrupt.”

“What was Jeonghan doing?” Jeongah asked, making not just the two of them, but all the adults in the room, panic. “He was looking for something.” His father answered.

“In Seungcheol-oppa’s neck?”

“Near enough.” He glared at his sister, knowing very well that she did understand what was going on; it’s just that she liked making him suffer like that.

“Anyway, what’s with the surprise visit? This feels like a random drug test.” Seungcheol successfully diverted the topic. Jeonghan turned to him and cast him a grateful look.

“Oh, right. We were on the way to the mall,” the director’s wife began, making Cheol mutter ‘naturally’. “And we bumped into your parents here, who were actually on the way here after buying you two a wedding gift. They suggested that since they were there when we gave you ours, it’s only fair that we be present when they give yours, too.”

“Oh,” Jeonghan nodded politely at his mother-in-law. “More gifts?”

“Just this last one.” His father handed him a white envelope, motioning Cheol to sit beside him.

“I thought it wouldn’t be an appropriate one, but seeing you both today, we feel like it’s the perfect gift.” His mother giggled, looking over to Cheol’s mother and giggling with her.

Jeonghan opened the envelope and he was surprised with two plane tickets to Norway. He looked up to Cheol and is surprised, showing him the pieces of paper. “We decided to give you both a proper honeymoon. We realize that today’s weddings, they’re cold, and this is the least we could do.” His father explained.

“That comes with a package, too, we rented a car for the entire week, and we booked you a room in one of those igloo hotel rooms that look up at the Northern Lights.”

“Really?” Jeonghan did try to act nonchalant about the gift but he couldn’t help it. It’s such an expensive and thoughtful gift, he didn’t even expect it from his extremely thrifty parents to spend this much on a wedding gift.

“Plus, we bought the gift since we thought you weren’t getting along, but…” he glanced playfully at both of them, making them both blush. “Apparently you are.”

Their parents stayed for lunch that they both prepared under the scrutiny of their mothers. They all sat around the table while talking animatedly about work, and almost everything in between. Jeonghan has lost her anger and is now listening and thoroughly enjoying to her father narrated the time when Jeonghan shit his pants in school. Well, everybody seemed to enjoy that story except for Jeonghan himself.

“Please stop.” He groaned and huffed in frustration as Cheol reached over to squeeze his thigh, smiling reassuringly at him.

They were about to stand and leave the table when the Director suddenly froze in his seat and made Seungcheol sit back down. “I forgot to ask you, what was the leave all about? And why did Jeonghan have to file for you?”

Seungcheol looked cornered as all the eyes in the table turned to him. Jeonghan gaped, realizing that that was the reason why his stage parents didn’t make an appearance the entire time he was sick. They didn’t know.

“Oh, it was nothing, just little fever. I’m okay, now, though.”

“Don’t lie to me.” His father chastised. “A letter came at home and it’s from an Oncological Hospital, I didn’t want to open it without your permission. But I am no dummy, I know Oncology is for cancer.”

His husband sighed, smiling widely at his parents across him. There have been multiple times in his life where he though Choi Seungcheol’s eyes were pretty. His lashes were extremely long, and it’s almost always frozen in a smile, shining, and kind. But at this moment right now, as Seungcheol looked at his parents with such fondness, did he realize that his eyes weren’t just pretty, they were breathtaking.

“It was just a few tests,” he admitted. “You know I’m anemic, and because of stress I’ve been having nosebleeds and my red blood test count is extremely low, so because of the history on mom’s side, my doctor wanted to make sure and had me tested for cancer.”

Both mothers’ gasped, but Jeonghan’s mother spoke up first. “Did you take care of him, or not?” she almost bit out, kind of angry, but even though he knows his mother thinks he can’t be responsible enough, he understands that he never did make any measures like that in the past.

“Don’t worry,” Cheol turned to her. “Jeonghan filed his own leave and stayed with me.” His mother calmed but was still kind of glaring at him. “I’m serious, auntie.” He chuckled. “We were drinking last night, and even though he was drunk, he still annoyingly checked on my test punctures.” He did that? Jeonghan was kind of apprehensive because he doesn’t remember but sets it aside because he might have been just lying for him.

“Jeonghan took you to the club?” Jeongah interrupted.

“Well, Jisoo invited me, but…” he looked over at Jeonghan, carefully treading on the words. “Jeonghan seemed pleased to see me.” He smirked at the word ‘pleased’ and he suddenly had flashbacks of the night before, all the making out in a public place, not caring about who’s watching them; just letting go and doing whatever they want, and in Jeonghan’s case, that was making out with Choi Seungcheol, and kiss him until he’s forgotten every other forsaken lip he’d accepted first.

Eventually, after the lengthy interrogation, both their parents decided to drop the subject and head home. Jeongah pulled her brother aside and squinted at him.

“What?”

Jeongah kept on staring as if deciding on what to do with him. “Are you in love with him?”

“What? No!” Jeonghan immediately denied without even thinking about it. “You think I’m the kind of person who falls in love? I’m the type to enjoy what I have and that’s exactly what I’m doing.”

Jeongah crossed her arms and pursed her lips tightly. “Well, whatever you think you’re doing right now, you better get your ducks in a row because someone might end up getting hurt.” He rolled her eyes and walked away, following her parents out of the door, begrudgingly giving Cheol a half-hug. “The fuck? You’re 13, play with dolls or something.” She mocked him before finally leaving with Cheol closing the door behind her.

“What was that?” Cheol stalked over to him, opening his arms in a gesture initiating a hug. Jeonghan didn’t spare a single thought and dove into his arms, crashing against his chest, hugging him back tightly, trying to convince himself that this is because it’s kind of cold, and his arms looked warm.

“Nothing, she’s just being nosy as usual.” He buries his face deeper into his hug, pressing his cheek against the others’ collarbone, the first time that he thought that they should have a little bit of a height difference instead of being the same because he can’t really bury his face in his chest without being uncomfortable eventually. “Don’t mind her.” He murmurs, getting sleepy as Cheol rocks them both back and forth in a tiny dance. “Focus on the fact that we have a honeymoon.”

Cheol laughs, making Jeonghan smile at the sound. He liked it. Ever since he met him, there’s been a feeling that’s nagging him that he’d always pushed aside. Every single time Cheol smiled or laugh, it made him feel lighter, and exponentially better inside. He doesn’t want to delve deeper, he’s afraid of what he might find out. But all he knows is he wants to feel lighter, he always wants to feel better, and so his goal is to make him smile, for the rest of their lives.

“We have a honeymoon.” Cheol turns his head to kiss Jeonghan’s temple, a gesture that warms every organ in his body.

“And you know what people like us get to do in honeymoons.” He commented offhandedly, making Cheol move his head back and stare at him incredulously with a very naughty facial expression. It took Jeonghan a few more seconds before he realized how wrong he sounded like.

“I meant ‘take a leave from work’ you pervert!” Jeonghan hit him, pushing him roughly against the wall. “You perverted uncle, what are you thinking?” he crashed his lips with Cheol, who was, this time, ready for his aggression, wrapping his arms around him to pull him almost impossibly closer to him, palms traveling dangerously close to his butt.

“Go further, coward.” Jeonghan spat playfully, roughly pulling his husbands’ hair up to expose his neck to him. He wasted no time and licked a path from his collarbone, straight to his jaw, satisfying himself with the act that’s been running in his mind since yesterday.

“Fuck.” Cheol cursed, pulling his head back, to kiss Jeonghan back. But this time, he used the strength he didn’t use in the past few make-out sessions and pushed Jeonghan backward onto the couch, assisting his soft landing as he climbed over him. “So you make out with me when I do something right, and you make out with me when I do something wrong, what’s the pattern?” he pants, supporting himself on his elbows, careful not to crush Jeonghan.

“You don’t get to choose when I want to make out with you, I want to eat your beautiful face, no complaining.” He answered, hand still wound in his hair.

“Beautiful?”

“Stop acting flattered, I know you know.” He pulls him back down, their tongues meeting each other as the aggressively make out on the couch, their movements hurried and hot, as Seungcheol decides he should try out that thing Jeonghan does to him so often, he thinks he’s addicted.

He slides down and licks a certain spot on Jeonghan’s neck, making him suddenly arch up and moan out loud, scratching Cheol’s back. He abruptly pushed him slightly away, aghast at what happened.

“Shit.” He lets out a shaky breath as Cheol realizes the Jeonghan’s painfully hard. Worse is, he is, too. “That spot is sensitive, apparently.” He smiles as Seungcheol tries to lean forward again.

“Save it for the honeymoon.” He stops him, and he realizes that he’s right, that this moment right here may be awesome for their first time, but their honeymoon would potentially better.

“Yes, we should.” He was about to get off when the door opened again.

“AGAIN?!” Jeongah groaned, stomping to the couch where she apparently left her phone. “You have a damn room!” she exclaims angrily before slamming the door as she left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone asked me why i write so 'lifelessly' because i dont use many descriptives and i just almost tell things how they are... it's because i LIKE telling things like they are, i like to leave to the imagination, i dont like forcing an image into somebody elses brain, i want it to be realistic, i want them to be in a slightly more realistic situation than in other fics, i dont like it when i bore people with descriptions they dont need. this happened, they they did this, he felt like this while doing that, i write like that, that's me. for a short span of my time, i AM jeonghan or i AM seungcheol in the story, if they arent over analyzing it, then i wont hehehehehehe
> 
> OKAY IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG my work load is so heavy and i had to move dorms so ive been extremely busy these past few days and i promise i haven't abandoned this story, yet
> 
> i promise if i can find the time, i will add to the next chapters little by little so i can still stick to at least two weekly updates
> 
> thank you very much for your patience and thank you for reading!
> 
> oh and by the way, i'd like you to check these two links out, they're the two parks and rec references i made in the story hehehehehehe
> 
> https://youtu.be/jQ4_ujFHQAc
> 
> https://youtu.be/qIsogJheUSI
> 
> oh and shameless promotion alert, i am going to write a meanie fic so if you'd like to check it out... you can. it doesn't have any content yet, though, but i will start very soon!
> 
> thank youuuuuu


	7. Chapter 7

Jeonghan wakes up more energized than ever but wanting to sleep more, in the comfortable, cool bed, with immaculately white sheets, rolling over to the other side, and burying his face in the soft pillows.

He wanted to g—waits, white sheets? They didn’t have any white sheets at home. He shoots up, taking in his surroundings as his brain tries to process the softly-lit room, messy with discarded food boxes, and a huge-ass glass door that overlooks a beach.

Why the fuc—oh that’s right.

They’re in Norway now. They left Seoul at around 5 in the afternoon, yesterday, December 1, and after a 14-hour flight, they arrived in Stavanger, after a mini stopover in London, at 11:20 in the evening, still December 1. Jeonghan’s brain was still functioning differently, and it kind of hurts. His brain still registers that it’s supposed to be around sunset in Seoul by now. It’s fortunate that they arrived in the city at night, though, allowing them to get some sleep to adjust to the changing of their time zones.

He looked around the room, looking for the person who was supposed to arrive with him last night but was nowhere in sight.

He rose from his bed, looking around the huge presidential room in this resort, their room still basking in the early morning light. There were a pillow and a blanket on the couch but Seungcheol wasn’t there.

“Cheol?” he called out, without any answer. He looked around quietly at first, and then frantically as he had a thought that the other might have had side effects of the jet lag and walked around. His eye caught something moving when he spotted Seungcheol walking by the beach, fortunately entirely conscious.

“Cheol!” he called out, running out into the unexpectedly cool morning wind in his bare feet. He approached the sleepy looking guy, hair messy and pale. “What are you doing here?”

“Nothing, just thinking.” He shrugs, looking far away onto the horizon as signs of light. Jeonghan stands beside him, watching the sky turn bright pink, as the sun slowly peeked up.

“About what?”

“Nothing in particular.” He shrugs, turning back to return to the small villa, hopping over the rocks by the beach. “Let’s go.”

Their mothers had researched and prepared a mini travel itinerary for them throughout their entire day in Stavanger before they take off on another flight to Alta. It included boat rides, lunch in outdoor restaurants, a visit to an old church. Jeonghan can’t describe it as anything other than romantic. Of course, he didn’t want to really think like that because if anything, he should just considering this as an outing, with someone he was legally married to, and someone he also wanted to cling on to, nothing really special.

As soon as they were back in their room, Jeonghan remembered to ask him about earlier when he woke up.

“Why were you sleeping on the couch?”

“You kind of kicked me out last time.” His husband chuckles as he grabs a towel from the back of one of the chairs. “When we arrived here, you just jumped onto the bed, pushed me away, and went to sleep right away. I even had to take your shoes and socks off for you.”

Jeonghan doesn’t remember any of those; he thinks he was just too exhausted to remember. But that is believable; he does tend to kick people away from the bed when he’s tired.

“I’m going to take a shower, okay?”

“Yeah, sure. Where do you want to have breakfast? The itinerary your mom gave me starts at 9.”

“We can just eat here.” He mumbled on the way to the bathroom. He tried his best not to picture him peeling his clothes off in there but his brain just had a tendency to wander off. So to take his mind off things, he read the menu, over and over again, without even registering any of the food listed. And it’s not just because his brain was distracted but mostly because almost everything in the menu was in Norwegian. Which, obviously, would make less sense to him than English.

He dialed for the front desk and prepared for an entire misunderstood conversation. “Front desk, how may I help you?”

“Good morning,” he slipped off confidently, as he practiced it. “Special… for breakfast, please?”

“I’m sorry to assume, but are you foreigners?” that, at least, he understood.

“Yes… Korean.” He answered, losing faith in his ability to maintain this conversation, not only because he usually struggled with English, but also because this English is not the English that he sees in movies, the American type. He has seen British movies and TV shows but he never does manage to understand them because of the accent.

“I’d be happy to assist you with that. Would you like to continue talking to me, or would you like to speak to someone who can speak Korean?” when the front desk person suggested he speak to a Korean speaking member of the staff, Jeonghan’s heart skipped and he answered right away.

“Korean, please. Thank you.” He chuckled in embarrassment. “Sorry, English, hard for me.”

“That is no problem, Sir, we have members of the staff who can accommodate all the nationalities. Please stay on the line while our representative is on her way, Sir.”

Jeonghan waited until he heard a murmur and a greeting in a familiar tone. “Good morning.” A female voice greeted, not perfectly, enough for Jeonghan to identify her as a non-Korean who is fluent in the language. “My name is Kjaelighet, and I’d be happy to assist you this morning.”

“Hi…” he hesitated, he knows it’s impolite not to use a persons’ name in a conversation, but at the same time, he wasn’t willing to say that name again. “Can I order for two sets of your suggested Norwegian breakfast, please?”

“Sure, Sir. We have the breakfast meal one, toast, eggs, tomatoes, smoked salmon, Swiss cheese, and orange juice, or the breakfast meal two, toast, eggs, Hungarian sausage, cheese, and apple juice. Which would you prefer?”

“One of each, please.” He murmurs as he turns his head to Cheol, who are emerging from the bathroom.

“Room 16, one breakfast meal one, and one breakfast meal two, is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“Would there be anything else?”

“Oh, can you check our time for check-out?”

“Your check-out time is 3:00 pm, you told one of our staff to make sure you don’t miss your flight.”

“Yeah, sure. Thank you.”

He puts the phone down and stares at Cheol who’s just staring at his opened luggage, almost out of it. “Hey, are you okay?” he asks, startling the other.

“Yeah, just probably a little bit jet-lagged.”

They had their lunch that day in an outdoor restaurant in the middle of autumn in Europe. It was peaceful, extremely beautiful, and kind of cloudy.

“You think it’ll rain?” Cheol asks, taking a bite of his salted salmon.

“Well, I hope not. We’re still going to that church, I was told the northern lights aren’t visible when it rains.”

“Okay now I’m really paranoid.” They both chuckle, watching the people talk in a language that neither of them knew how to speak. They couldn’t even catch a single word that they understood. Seungcheol plays with his food, flicking bits of the fish back and forth on his plate.

“Still jet-lagged?”

“Yeah, a little bit.”

“Would you like to skip the cathedral?” he offers, worrying about how he looks right now, kind of pale, and yellowish.

“Nah,” he shakes his head, sitting up straight. “I saw the pictures on the internet and I really want to take pictures there.”

What Jeonghan didn’t know is that before Cheol went to business school, we went to a media arts school and was a photography major. Which explains all the beautiful photos he’s looking at now, as Seungcheol shows him the contents of the camera. There were a lot of pictures of their surroundings, even a few airport photos of Jeonghan, pictures of the beach, and the few that they took on the way in the estate where the cathedral belongs in.

There was a wide garden in front, decorated with colorful flowers, and manicured lawns and shrubbery. Jeonghan walks ahead, admiring a bee sucking on a nectar, unaffected that he’s being observed. He hears a series of clicks which distracts him from the bee.

“Did you take pictures of me?”

“No.” Seungcheol denies outright and seriously, making Jeonghan hide his blush for assuming. “I was taking a picture of the bee.”

They walk into the cathedral through the huge front doors, walking down the aisle together as the gape at the façade. “This is really beautiful.” Seungcheol comments.

Jeonghan stares at the wooden rows of seats, the quiet, immaculate sounds, birds chirping outside, and the sun shining and illuminating the inside of the church through the stained glass windows, creating a kaleidoscope effect by the altar.

He suddenly had a thought which confuses him a little bit, but decides to share anyway. “Did you ever wish we got married… I don’t know, warmer?”

“You mean in a church?” Seungcheol looks around, making the connection that Jeonghan might have had the thought because they were in a church. Nowadays, church weddings were almost exclusively reserved for those who fell in love even before they got married, and to those celebrating the milestones in their marriage. Like his parents’ 25th anniversary celebration a year ago. But marriages like theirs, those were built for city wedding halls, gray, metallic, and hollow. But Jeonghan does think it might have gone away with making everything look like an actual romantic wedding and not just a hard-papered process, steel-hard, like their wedding hall. “Always.”

“What do you mean always?”

“I hoped for a warmer wedding, I’ll admit.” He smiles; taking a picture of a bird perched on top of the altar. “We’re both different. You’re straightforward and admittedly aloof, well, at least to me. And I’m a romantic. I thought about settings not unlike this. Well, in my years of imagining, I had considered every single location except for stone hard, metallic-clad, wedding room. I should have, though, considering that we never met before we got married, most marriages like those end up in the city hall.”

Jeonghan grimaced, he knew their wedding was straightforward and ceremonial, but he hadn’t really pictured out how cold it really was until now that it’s being described in front of him.

“Do you want to do it here?” he suggests by impulse. Seungcheol blanches, looking panicked and denied immediately. “That’s not what I meant.” He shook his head ‘no’ right away.

“I know but, since we’re here, we can just do it, right?”

Seungcheol studies him seriously, sizing him up and down, compelling Jeonghan to clarify. “I mean, our marriage is technical but the wedding was just too much.” His husband sighs and nods his head, slowly making his way forward. “Yeah, sure, let’s do that.”

They stood together by the altar with Seungcheol’s back against the light, making the sun cast an almost immaculate light around him. “You look like you’re holy.” He points out, gesturing to sunlight surrounding his figure, taking both of his hands in his. “We should do the vows thing.” He suggests, not really because he wanted to do it, but he wanted to hear Seungcheol say some.

Seungcheol looked startled but consented anyway. “I, Choi Seungcheol,” he laughs awkwardly, turning his head to the side as he blushes in embarrassment. Jeonghan chuckles as well, not humorously because he was dreading his turn. “Promise that in my whole duration a Jeonghan’s husband,”

“Duration? You make it sound like you have a time limit.” Jeonghan complains, for some reason not really liking how that sounded like.

“Stop interrupting.” He bites out and smiles. “I will cherish his existence, I will take care of everything that he needs help with, and that I will be kind and patient, and I will try my best to live with his harmoniously. And most especially, I promise that I will be understanding, no matter what his decisions are whether they still include me or not.” Jeonghan feels a pang in his heart and his brain’s first reaction was, ‘what kind of decisions would I make that won’t include you in it?’ but he stops and thinks that he did have a lot of plans that didn’t include his husband. Hell, none of his original plans included an actual husband in the first place.

Jeonghan scans his own brain, wanting his vows to be controlled, but heartfelt and honest, too. “I, Yoon Jeonghan,” he grimaced, not liking the cheesy start one bit. But he prepares his one line vow anyway, not really sure if he can keep it, but if there’s one thing he will promise, it’s that he will try. “Promise to shape all my decisions around the most important person to me right now, Choi Seungcheol.”

Seungcheol raised his eyebrows, surprised at the sudden description. “Jeongah?”

Jeonghan gasps and rephrases. “One of the most important people to me right now.”

“Thank you.” Seungcheol whispers, smiling softly.

“So,” he clears his throat and mimics the voice of their wedding officiant. “Yoon Jeonghan, will you take Choi Seungcheol as your husband? Yes, I do. Choi Seungcheol, will you take this seriously lacking potato, Yoon Jeonghan as your husband?”

“Yes, I will.”

“You are now bound in legal matrimony.” Jeonghan shakes his head, not liking how that extremely technical phrase sounded. “You are now husband and husband.”

“Perfect.” Cheol chuckles, letting his hand go and turning around.

Jeonghan, though, had not finished, yet. He runs after Cheol, grabs his arm and turns him around.

“What?”

“I’m not done yet.”

“Oh, I thought you were.”

“Oh, no, I’m not.” He pulls him forward, pulls him closer by the neck and kisses him. He presses their lips together and pulls back a little just to give him another chaste smack, seriously considering pushing further but then remembering that they were in a tourist church, where anyone can walk in anytime. “You may kiss the groom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY FOR THE SLOW UPDATES i have been so busy because of work but i totally intend to finish the story huhuhuhu
> 
> i kind of have a small idea
> 
> does some of you want to be updated about how far along with the chapters i am? would you like me to inform you if i updated? i'm thinking about making a group chat of some sort
> 
> so tell me if you're up for that, and please add which you'd prefer, twitter dms, line, or kkt?
> 
> thank youuuu
> 
> and please do tell me what you think of this chapter!


	8. Chapter 8

After a 3-hour flight and a 30-minute drive, they finally arrived at their last destination, in a four-star hotel in Alta in Norway. They checked in to the reserved igloo-styled room with clear ceilings, allowing them to see the Aurora Borealis while they lie in bed. It’s nearing winter, an even according to what Jeonghan has searched online; winter has already officially started here, which explains the cold. The room has a very strong heater system, though, as was prepared before they even got to the hotel, making them settle in comfortably.

After taking, long, hot baths, they lay side by side on their bed, with Jeonghan quickly scrolling through his social media, and Seungcheol just lying there quietly, looking up at the sky. “Mingyu and Wonwoo went on their own vacation.” He says offhandedly, opening the couples’ pictures one by one. “They’re in Thailand.” He shifts from his position and cuddles close to Seungcheol, who was formerly distracted by the sky but was now glancing cautiously at Jeonghan. “Envious assholes.” He chuckles, joking around.

Seungcheol adjusts his position, and settles on a more comfortable one, with Jeonghan snug on his shoulder. “Look at these.” He leans in closer and shows the pictures to Cheol, who’s smiling not just because of a silly picture of Mingyu in a zoo, but also because Jeonghan was almost making him a tree and he’s a koala when he wraps himself around him: leg over his torso, and leg over his thigh. “He has the funniest faces.” He comments as Seungcheol scrolls down further. “You’re thin,” Jeonghan comments quietly, poking one of his ribs. “You should eat more.” He leans up, still wrapped around him, grabbing the phone and setting it down on the bedside table. He looks at Seungcheol in the eye, who slowly wraps one arm around Jeonghan, soothing his back with his palm.

“You’re one to speak, you’re close to death.” He jokes, pressing down on Jeonghan’s hipbone which was already jutting out. “Well, at least, I’m not sickly.”

“I’m not sickly.”

Jeonghan mocks him, leaning in to rest his cheeks on his collarbone. He can hear a slight pulsing underneath his cheek and he presses tightly listening to it. “Your heartbeat is poking my cheek.” He fake-complains.

“Would you prefer if I stopped it?”

Jeonghan frowned, running his hand up and down his arm. “No.” he feels sentimental, never have been really fond of the thought. “You smell really good.”

“I just took a bath.”

“Not just today, but usually.” He looks up and sees him almost dozing over staring at the stars. He doesn’t answer, almost as if he didn’t even hear him. “Hey, why aren’t you focusing on me?”

“Because we’re in Norway, in one of the igloo hotels with the glass roof, and there are the northern lights right now, how can I?” Jeonghan frowns, faking annoyance but snuggles to hug him tight, anyway. “I don’t know,” he shrugs. “Cuddle me back.” Seungcheol wraps both arms around him this time, confused the sudden clinginess but he’s not about to complain.

“I’m sorry.” Jeonghan mumbles, closing his eyes to the beat of Seungcheol’s heartbeat.

“Why?”

“Because of all people, you ended up with me. And I don’t deserve you. You’re perfect.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I feel bad.” He sniffs. “You’re kind, and you’re patient, you’re smart, you’re handsome, you deserve a superhero, not me.”

“You’re enough.”

“That’s the thing,” he moves his head and presses his face onto his chest. “You don’t deserve ‘enough’, you deserve everything.”

Seungcheol stays quiet for a while and considered before answering. “But I just want you.” He never expected he’s going to feel like this when Seungcheol says those words but he was suddenly filled with warmth, and he feels like he’s going to cry. He props himself up by his elbows and looks at him. “I cannot imagine it being other than you.” He doesn’t really want to specify with what he meant by ‘it’. He strokes his face with his thumb, smoothing the creases and following the laugh lines around his eyes.

He keeps on trying to look for a word for what he’s feeling right now but the only word that comes out is the one that he didn’t really want to be brought up.

Instead, he does something he’s comfortable with, and leans in to kiss him.

They’ve kissed multiple times but each one is always different. He always feels like he’s in a pit, and each kiss sends him further into the dark abyss; it scares the hell out of him; he wants to grab onto something, he wants to finally hit the bottom, but he just keeps on falling and falling, with no one to save him or stop him.

He climbs over to his lap and continues on kissing him languidly; savoring the taste, and the moment, where all his worries just turn to dust and the only thing that’s tangible right now is him and his heartbeat.

The sweet and slightly playful kisses suddenly turned heated as Jeonghan deepens the kiss, clasping the others’ neck with his hand, arching it towards him. Seungcheol softly moans in his lips, angling his head to the side, giving Jeonghan the perfect angle to devour his lips whole. Seungcheol runs his hand across his back, caressing the smooth skin underneath, as Jeonghan wrapped his hand around his neck, pressing firmly but gently; fully satisfying one of the things he’d always wanted to do.

“Let’s stop.” Seungcheol pulls away, breathless.

“Why?” Jeonghan complains, still hazy from the kiss.

“It’s getting out of hand.”

“It’s our honeymoon; you should expect things to get out of hand.” He jokes, leaning in to press kisses on the hollow of his neck, appreciating how every patch of skin he kisses turns red. He sniffs his skin, fresh from his bath, with that specific smell that was exclusive with Cheol; a smell that Jeonghan has grown addicted to in the past days.

“Maybe we’re just getting carried away.” He says ironically, since his hand went to Jeonghan’s thighs at that moment, stroking the skin up and down, making his shorts ride up.

“No we’re not.” Jeonghan stops kissing his neck, and presses a firm and gentle kiss on his lips, pulling away and looking into his eyes. “But if you don’t want to do it, we don’t have to.” He smiles at him, observing how even the curve of his nose is perfect. He gasps when one of his hands stops on his ass, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You naughty boy playing hard to get!” he laughs and crashes his lips onto his, pressing his body forward almost desperately.

Seungcheol reaches behind Jeonghan and claps twice to turn off the lights. “Why did you turn them off? Didn’t you want to see me?” Jeonghan pouts in the soft light of the northern lights over them, casting an ethereal glow against his skin.

“Have you seen all those cameras and drones taking videos of the place? Of course, I’d turn the lights off, I didn’t want to give them free porn.” He laughs, pushing his thumb against Jeonghan’s lips to make him smile. “Besides, I can see you enough, and I’m the only one who can do that.” He smiles and kisses him again, his bones turning to jelly and his smile unerasable, he almost said that he’s not really the only one who’s seen his body but he didn’t really want to destroy the moment.

All he knows is that this person with him right now; is so precious, and so gentle, and so kind, and he didn’t want to make him feel unneeded, he wanted him to make him feel what he is: special. This person with him right now makes him feel so warm despite the winter, he makes him feel so overwhelmed even when they’re just sitting in a couch, watching dumb cartoons; this person mutes everything that’s not him, he just makes every bad thing disappear, and he wants him to stay.

Clothes were shed, skins were caressed, eyes met, heartbeats synchronized; Jeonghan has had sex multiple times before but not like this; never like this. Jeonghan’s body arched in ecstasy as he sank down on Seungcheol’s, and usually, he’d just focus on the bodies merging, on the feel of someone’s cock up his ass, just that.

He leans over and sighs, pressing his forehead against his husbands, moaning quietly under his breath, as the other softly moves underneath him, burying himself deeper into Jeonghan. He bites his lip, trying to gain control of his body which seems to have a mind of its’ own, sweating and wanting to go faster and harder.

He suddenly grinds down onto him, making the other grip his hand tighter. Jeonghan knows he can’t last long, not with Cheol stretching his neck, exposing his moles to Jeonghan, making him lean over to lick a trail up to his jaw. “You’re driving me crazy, Yoon Jeonghan.” He groans.

“Good.” He smiles against his skin, grinding especially hard against him, stirring something deep within him, it’s starting, he feels it, but something feels different, this one feels different from the others.

“I’m close.” Cheol sighs underneath him.

“You’re not alone.” He lets out a shaky breath and rides him until he shudders, toes curling, silent gasping, and the strongest, and longest orgasm of his entire life.

“Shit.”

“Accurate.”

On their last night in Norway, Seungcheol has arranged a transfer in a room where the bedroom wouldn’t be too exposed (the bedroom right underneath the glass ceiling in the old one was too out and open especially when they started doing things in broad daylight, too), to a room where the living room is the one exposed to the glass ceiling.

“This makes me less anxious.” He comments, clinking glasses with Cheol, as they drank wine, which his husband obviously hated but sipped politely for him, anyway. He looks up at the shifting colors above them, knowing well that they’re just space gas crashing against each other, but the effect on earth is phenomenal. Jeonghan looks at him, looking serene, smiling gently at the sky, and the moment his heart tightens, he knew.

Choi Seungcheol seemed like a natural phenomenon out there in his ethereal space, saw himself as nothing but a clumsy clump of gas crashing into other clumps of glass; but for human beings like Jeonghan, in his world, he was all the color, shifting, gliding, perfect, beautiful; and he’s fucked, completely, utterly fucked; his entire life turned upside down, his heart sinking, raising, and sinking again, all that because he realized he’s in love with him.

He starts when he suddenly turns to him curiously. “Why aren’t you looking at the sky? It’s our last night here, and it’s beautiful.”

“Not as much as you.” He says sincerely, earning a scoff from his husband, which kind of hurt, but he understands. “Quit playing around and drink your wine.”

He sighs and downs the entire glass, immediately filling it back up, and downing it again. “That’s not water.” Seungcheol chuckles. Jeonghan doesn’t know why he’s frustrated, it’s normal for people not to believe compliments right away, why does he feel so personally offended when Seungcheol rejected his?

Maybe it’s because he’s not playing around, and for the first time, he’d said something to describe Cheol that can be considered non-sexual, and he means it, he’s totally serious about it, and he’s been shot down.

But maybe it’s also because he’s not used to his compliments and advances being shut down before.

But it ultimately boils down to the fact that he’s just realized that he’s in love with him, and he has a feeling that the other does not feel the same way, and that scares him, more than he can even imagine.

They immediately fell face forward onto their bed as soon as they arrived at their house. Luggage was left in the living room, shoes discarded wherever they managed to, and 14 hours worn clothes ignored. They wanted to extend their vacation and roam around the rest of Europe, but they had to go back because of the major elections.

This one’s important because their current President (who everyone calls a ‘dictator’ behind his back) is finally running opposed. Her grandfather, the President two terms before hers, first put the arranged marriages into law, stayed in office for 23 years, and her mother, the President directly before her, lead for another 19 years and added more restrictions to the matrimonial law, including the consent for activities, and the number of nights one spouse is allowed to stay out late, and almost all of the suffocating clauses in the law, and this one, has been in her position for 12 years and has run unopposed twice. But this year, she is finally opposed, and everyone is planning to get her and her family out of office because aside from the claustrophobic marriage laws, they have been almost tyrannical in their rule.

“I’m so tired.” He complains, rolling over to settle his entire body onto the bed, and his husband followed suit.

“I wish I had teleportation powers.”

Jeonghan fake cries, as Seungcheol pulled him into a tight hug. “But it’s hot.” He complains, but sinks into the hug, returning it with his own squeeze.

“We can just turn the AC down.” He mumbles against his warm temple. “I still need to cook.” He adds, moving quietly away from Jeonghan, but he pulls him back into his hug, pouting when he attempted to let go again.

“Let’s just sleep.” He suggests, rubbing his nose against his chest, sniffing him.

“We’re weak because we need food, we need to eat first.” Someone as big as Choi Seungcheol didn’t seem like the type to worry about home-cooked stew and kimchis, and gochujang, and samgyetangs, and leftovers, but he is and Jeonghan finds that really hot.

There was one time when he woke up late, run down the stairs without his shirt on to cook Jeonghan his breakfast, put the apron on, and cooked in all that mighty toplessness, making Jeonghan drool over the counter; followed by nights with extremely questionable and most certainly erotic dreams about Seungcheol and his apron.

“Okay, fine.” He grumbles, letting him go, but not without a quick kiss on the lips.

He really doesn’t know what overcame him what week. He was just overall clingy, demanding, a little bit high maintenance, and most especially, wanted so many hugs and kisses and cuddles. It may be the suppressed romantic in him that’s being unleashed by a long-eyelashed kiss-the-chef, apron-clad cook; not exactly what he imagined. But Jeonghan is enjoying it, most especially now that he’s going to have judging eyes around him, he’d sure be more cautious.

He sinks back into his pillow when Seungcheol leaves to heat some of the food that his mother left this morning, especially for their jet lag and painful bones and muscles, mostly from sitting in a 14-hour flight, and certainly not for other activities.

He wills himself not to fall asleep, as per the advice of Jeon Wonwoo. He said to avoid prolonged effects of jet lag, if you arrived in daylight in another country, you should stay indoors for the rest of the day, shut the windows and blinds for a darker effect, and sleep as soon as it’s 10 pm, and wake up the next day like nothing ever happened.

But he was still infinitely tired, so he didn’t even move one inch from the bed.

He didn’t even want to pay attention when the phone started ringing, echoing in their room annoyingly, making sure it caught Jeonghan’s attention. But he was too lazy and really didn’t want to move. “Answer the phone please, Cheol!” he shouts, hoping the ringing would eventually stop.

So when it didn’t he rolled around to the other side of the bed, reaching for the phone to just answer it himself. He was about to say ‘hello’ when Cheol’s voice answered from the kitchen phone, utensils banging in the background. He made a move to put the phone down when the other line answered, ‘St. John’s Hematology Department is this Choi Seungcheol?” Cheol stops quietly and Jeonghan stopped breathing abruptly, making sure he couldn’t hear him breathing from the other line.

“Yes, speaking.”

“This is Kim Hyojung from Dr. Lim’s office, he wanted me to call you as soon as you came back from your vacation. He requested another test with you last week, right?”

“Yes.” Jeonghan gasped inwardly, surprised and panicked that Seungcheol went to another aspiration and spinal tap without him knowing.

“He set an appointment with you on Thursday, 4 pm, in his office.”

“Okay…?”

“He found something.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry i'm not good at smut  
> i know i pride myself in the fact that i think my plots through, (although my sense of time and old details fall through when i'm tired) but i just do that to make up for the fact that i can't do proper smut  
> those fics (which a lot of kpop fans love) where they do the do almost every chapter in fine detail? that's not me, so if you're waiting for intense smut, i wouldn't mind if you'd unsubscribe to the story or something because that's just not me hahahahaha i can't write smut for shit  
> anyway, i hope some of you still enjoy this story despite the lack of details in the sexual activities, i might have to train for that someday.....or something
> 
> and i have this weird habit when i describe jeonghan realizing he's in love by saying 'he's fucked' i really try to look for another word but sometimes, all you can describe that realization at that moment is that you're monumentally fucked hahahaha
> 
> maybe i can manage a better one sometime in the future, but i'm listening to jarryd james right now and the only mixture of words i can manage are sweet ones
> 
> please tell me what you think!  
> i can feel everyone losing boner about my slow updates but don't worry! i will be updating more frequent this week that i did last week
> 
> thank you very much for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

Jeonghan held his breath as Seungcheol finished his conversation up and hung up. He immediately put the phone back and leaped to the other side of the bed, pretending to be on his phone as he heard his husband’s footsteps descending up the stairs. He peeked in, looking suspicious of Jeonghan.

“Did you take that call?”

Jeonghan feigned ignorance, raising his brows in fake-curiosity. “I heard you take it already.” Jeonghan shrugged, but still felt like explaining because of Seungcheol’s squinting. “Why, was that important?”

His husband was caught off guard by the question, stuttering in the process. “Nope.” He answered too quickly. “Solicitors.” He laughed awkwardly before turning his back and quickly running away. If he knew Jeonghan was listening in his call, there was no way in hell he should expect him to stay still and wait for him to tell him the news.

 

But he waited. On the night after Cheol was supposed to have that doctors appointment, Jeonghan sat in their couch, legs tucked together and lights turned off, while watching A Walk To Remember because he’s emo. He was at the end of the movie, sniffing the last of his tears when he heard the door creak open, revealing a windswept Choi Seungcheol. “What’s going on?” he hung his umbrella by the foyer before stepping into the living room.

“I’m watching sad movies.” He sniffs.

“Why?” he sat in the space beside him, leaning over to pause the now ending movie, with the male protagonist narrating his last lines.

“What did the doctor say?” Cheol smiled, not surprised about Jeonghan lying to him about listening to the call. Even if he was trying his best to hold his breath during it, Cheol has had a history of eavesdropping on everybody’s phone calls when he was young that he knew that exact sound the phone had in the background when another line was there.

“There’s something called Thrombo…” he felt for his pocket, pulling out a small paper and read from it. “Thrombocytopenia.”

Jeonghan’s heart leapt, expecting the worst. “Oh my God, you’re dying. I’m going to be a widower, this doesn’t fit me, I’ve always known I’m not an inspiring widower. Don’t leave me please.” He sobbed, reaching over to hug Cheol who was stumped to silence, comforting his hysterical husband. He didn’t have any idea what inspired the sudden mental breakdown, he’s been so chill the entire week.

“I appreciate that but, that’s not cancer.” Jeonghan lets him go and stares at him through his tears. “It’s not?”

“It’s not.” He chuckled. “It’s just a little blood disorder, and it’s treatable. I have prescription, see?” he holds up the paper his fished from his pocket, useless because of the doctor’s penmanship.

Jeonghan thinks his voice his too cheery for this so he suspects. “How about your treatments?” he hiccups and sniffs at the same time, too adorable to be threatening.

“Uhh…” he shifts, looking everywhere but Jeonghan. “Aside from the medicine? Blood transfusion and a little surgery to remove my spleen.” Jeonghan’s heart dropped, recovering from his abnormal mental breakdown from dreading the news all week but dreads another thing now.

“They’re cutting you open again?”

“That’s okay. The mortality rate is low, my doctor said.” He reaches over and runs his hand on Jeonghan’s knee. Jeonghan leans over to him and rests his head on his chest. He’s soft today; maybe it’s his cotton shirt instead of the usual formal dress shirt. And of course he smelled great, and Jeonghan really loved to sniff him (in a non-creepy way, he promises). “You should let me shower before you go all doggo on me.”

“I prefer the pre-showered version; you smell more…like you.” Cheol chuckled, incredulous. When he met Yoon Jeonghan, he was straight up glaring at him; he can almost imagine him murdering him in his mind. When they got married, the ring was almost shoved on his finger. He prepared himself for the worst, for the neglectful, cold, jackass, which he was, but he didn’t expect him to grow like a dog over time. “And don’t worry about your treatments; I’ll be there for every single one of them, okay?”

“You don’t have to.”

“I want to, okay?”

“Okay.” He plants a kiss and smiles against the top of his head. “Have you had dinner?”

“I’ve had a burrito.” He leans in for a kiss, but Cheol deflects him.

“You can’t just say you’ve had a burrito and lean in for a kiss, that’s against the laws of nature.” He laughs at Jeonghan’s face, unbelieving an on his way to ‘angry’. “I’m kidding!” he pulls him closer and kisses him softly. He’s not sure if Jeonghan does feel the same way or if this is the most convenient way, but he’s going to enjoy things. He’s going to get hurt, but he’s going to enjoy things the way they are.

“Ew.” Mingyu walks straight to the kitchen with Wonwoo trailing after him.

“What is with people and knocking?” Jeonghan complains, peeling himself off from his husband, earning a sheepish shrug from the saner one. Jeonghan followed them to the kitchen while they open a bag full of Chinese takeout. “I called the others, too, and they’re coming.”

“For what?”

“Well, we’re never complete if we hang out at the bar, so we decided to just hang out here. You’re the only reason we’re in bars in the first place.” Mingyu distributes the food around like a mama bear, while Wonwoo is quietly struggling with uncorking the wine in one corner. Seokmin, Soonyoung, and Jisoo arrive a few minutes later, looking around the house that none of them except Mingyu had seen before.

For the first time in weeks, their whole group is finally complete, slightly tipsy from the opened bottle of wine and beer, and other hard liquor. They had only meant to share one bottle but the conversation had gone on too interesting levels to be sober for. They all laugh boisterously at every joke and every funny story, thankful for the fact that they were still neighborless.

“Wasn’t him, nope.” Seokmin continues on chuckling, last to recover.

Seungcheol, like Seokmin, when remembering Soonyoung’s story, chuckles randomly from time to time like a man worthy for a place in the mad house. “Are you having fun?” he inquires, fixing Cheol’s messy hair, smoothing his fingers along the tangles.

“Don’t you plan on decorating or something? Your house looks like only a hobo who comes here every night lives in here.” Jisoo comments.

“How would we do that?”

“I don’t know? You can hang your wedding photos or something.” Cheol snorts, getting up abruptly and running from the kitchen.

“Where is he going?” he asks Jeonghan who has no idea what’s happening either. Seungcheol comes back, giggling so hard his face looked like it’s going to burst.

“I got the pictures from Dad earlier today,” he hiccups. “They’re horrible.” He opens the envelope and pours their wedding pictures out, monochromic despite the color, stiff, and awkward. Each of them grabbed a picture and started laughing.

“Look at this.” It was a picture of them with their groomsmen, with Seungcheol looking mildly uncomfortable, and Jeonghan who looked like he just shit his pants. “Well, I shit my pants that day, deep inside.”

“And this!” Soonyoung pulls out a picture of their first kiss, awkward and hardly touching. They both groaned, remembering how hesitant they were that time. Jeonghan takes peek at Cheol and decides that it’s going to be cute if he surprises him. So he took his chin in his hand and pulled him closer to kiss him. Mostly to prove that the pictures aren’t them anymore; this is them.

Ever since that day, so much had changed, it hadn’t even been too long since then, but they both had come a long way.

Seungcheol chuckles against his lips, pressing his lips back firmly.

“Ew ew ew ew.”

“Not in front of the food.”

“Should I be here for this?” but both of them didn’t hear a thing, they were both so entranced with each other that they hadn’t even notice their friends wrap up the night, throw all the trash away, and leave for their houses. “Remember to wake up early tomorrow, it’s election day!” Jeonghan waves them away with his hand, planting one last kiss on the others lips, following the others to send his friends out.

He waved goodbye, but Jisoo hung back. “Are you okay?” he asks Jeonghan worriedly.

“Of course.” He smiles, patting him. “Why did you think I wasn’t?”

“You’re in love with him.”

Jeonghan was about to retort ‘I’m not’ but he sees the look in Jisoo’s eyes. He knows. “Scared?”

“Like shit.” He admits, glancing inside their house to make sure Cheol can’t hear them. “What do I do with this?”

“Do what you want to do. Just express how you feel, he’ll know.” He shivers when the wind blew their way. “And you’ve been showing enough for now, don’t worry.”

“I don’t want to mess this up.”

“Well, at least you have an entire lifetime to do something about that. No rush.” He nods, deciding to take his time.

 

It was the second day of the elections and they both just voted the day before, and since it’s now a holiday, they decided to spend the day outside. Within the day the winners will be announced, and the president will make his first speech as president. It’s a mandatory viewing but it wasn’t until night so they decided to do a little roadtrip to Incheon to visit the beach, even though he thinks it’ll be pretty cold in this season. They stopped in a convenience store to get some hot packs, juice, and popcorn before continuing on the drive.

He looks out the window while sipping his juice. “The sky is so pretty.” It’s been week since the sky has been this blue. Because of the winter, the skies have always been grayish and depressing.

When they arrived, the wind was blowing so hard, pushing Jeonghan backward against Cheol. He laughed, the cold biting his skin. He reached over for the other’s hand for warmth, clutching it with his extremely cold hands.

They spent the entire day running around, writing things in the sand, and picking up shells. “Look at this one, it’s shaped like a heart.”

Seungcheol looks over but shook his head. “That doesn’t look like a heart.”

“Not heart as in the shape.” Jeonghan grumbles, leaning in closer. “Heart as in the one inside my chest; the biological one.” He snuggles into his warm chest, feeling the warmth before pulling away abrupty.

“So that’s your heart?” he teases him, who was suddenly feeling sentimental. He nods a little, and tries something he thinks is a good idea.

He reaches over to him and hands him the shell, and says, “It’s yours.” With full of meaning. Jeonghan waited for his reaction to his confession’ pouring his entire heart out in two words. Everything that he’s been feeling these past few days, all the weird longing for someone he already had right there beside him, that persistent urge to cry whenever he sees him smile; when he feels happy and sad at the same time, when he just wants to freeze time and encapsulate them forever, when he just can help but be near him, not even wanting to think about going on separate ways; everything summed up in those two words. Because his heart is his. And he doesn’t want to take it back. Seungcheol smiles politely and pockets the shell. “Cool, thanks.” He smiles and turns around to continue on writing on the sand.

Jeonghan’s heart sank.

It’s what he’d been dreading this entire time, ever since he was little, ever since he even knew how to like someone. Loving and not getting it back in return. He didn’t expect it to feel this sad, though. He didn’t know he would feel like everything has just lost meaning, and the world is back to monochromes. He held back his tears, walked to the other direction, and picked up shells.

 

That night Jeonghan was just quiet, he knew it wasn’t fair. When they started this marriage he was the one who was so sure about there being no love in the relationship at all. He was the one who almost insisted the break the law because he didn’t want him. And now he’s on the other side of the table, being to ones who almost want to beg for the other to love him back. But he knows that’s impossible.

They sat in their couch for the mandatory viewing, eating a little bit of popcorn while they sat in front of the television, after turning most of the lights off.

The announcer read the vote turnout, and for the first time in years, they finally have a different president. That made him smile, even though their president’s have almost tyrannical rules, the previous one had been so much worse than her predecessors, and this one seems like he’s going to change all that. He was called in for his speech, he stepped up to the podium, clearing his throat to start his speech.

He started his speech with the usual boring stuff, thanking his supporters, his family, his staff, God, and everyone there was to thank for the success of his campaign. He then started listing out all of his accomplishments in the past years, all of the things he’d achieved as he was a member of the House, and then as member of the Senate. He list out the things he planned to change with his new rule; from the bigger things like infrastructure and economy, to the little things like that tiny pedestrian by the university street. It lasted for so long Jeonghan could swear he fell asleep somewhere in the middle of that speech.

He cleared his throat for a bigger announcement, as he said the thing that would change Jeonghan’s life. “For all the times that I had fantasized about getting elected as President, I always think about the laws I wanted for the country. I planned it from the smallest things, to the biggest things. I listen them in one of my notebooks; some of the items, I remove, some things, I add. But there has always been one thing that remained constant. That is my hate for constraint, and for lack of consent. So I am announcing for the Executive Order 772, which states that all arranged marriage is now hereby illegalized. All data regarding pairs, and signed agreements will be archived. All the laws related to strengthening it will be nullified.” Jeonghan gasped. Every single person who hasn’t been married by this time will be allowed to choose whoever they want to marry? If this had been a few months ago he would have been jumping in joy, never to worry about being forced into a marriage with someone he didn’t know. But—everything is different now, and he doesn’t really know that to think.

“Furthermore, all Arranged Marriages from 2015 and back, will remain binding and legal, however, the marriages from January 2016 and onwards will be divided two categories.” Jeonghan held his breath, not liking how this is going so far. “Marriages conducted from January 2016 to present, but in case 23” case 23 are those couples who fall in love before they’re even set to be married. Like Seokmin and Soonyoung, where their parents introduced them in a young age and made them follow the other around. “Will remain binding and legal, except in the case of the couple opting for divorce, which will now be legal.” He looks over to Cheol, and Cheol looks at him somberly. He didn’t know what to think of his facial expression. Is he thinking of a divorce date for them both? Is this going to be the end? Is this really going to be? Nothing more? But is he planning to stay with him? What is he thinking?

“However, ALL marriages conducted from January 2016 to present, under case, 41,” case 41 were those marriages whose families opted out for the open agreement, and decided to ambush their children a few weeks from the set marriage date. Like him and Cheol. “Will be nullified. Those marriages will no longer be binding and legal, effective immediately. Everyone who falls under that category, is technically single as of today, 7:33 pm.” Jeonghan stopped breathing altogether, anticipating every angle except this one. He sat on the couch for so long, frozen on the spot, as the world practically partied, as the new president announced new, and seemingly freer laws. But Jeonghan was still rooted on the spot, unable to move.

“That’s good news,” the other mutters beside him, getting up from his seat to go up the stairs to their room. “Freedom.” He sighs, and disappears through the hallway.

If his heart cracked earlier that day, it’s now crushed, under a study hand.

He chokes back tears, breathing heavily from all the emotions coming over through him at that time. Oh how the tides have turned against him. He was the one who didn’t want to get married, he was the one who didn’t want to get tied, he was the one who begged for his freedom, he was the one who didn’t want to fall in love, and he was the one who didn’t want to get hurt.

But why has this happened?

Why isn’t he one of those celebrating the new order? Why is he the one who seems to want to stay married? Why is he the one who seems to willing to tie Choi Seungcheol back down to him? Why is he the one who wants to beg every wish granting soul in the universe to reverse time, and take things back to when he was happier? Why is he the one who thinks Choi Seungcheol is his freedom? Why is he the one who fell in love? Why is he the one getting hurt?

He stood up, fighting back his tears furiously, grabbing his car keys, and drove away from their house, vision clouded with the impending tears, as his heart starts to crush everything inside him, with the realization, that it’s over now.

He’s divorced.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have spent half of this fic just researching, I hate myself
> 
> i've got the timeline all messed up, they got married in october, then i was supposed to write the trip for around march or april the following year but i forgot to write anything about christmas or new year so i had to pull back and put the trip at around december which would still have been around 2 months ever since they got married and it doesn't seem that long for them to get this attached i hate myself
> 
> just pretend i didn't screw up the timeline and just pretend they've been together for around 7 months minimum
> 
> i need to do that high school musical basketball dance sequence so i can get my head in the game; and now i'm thinking that i should just break my rule about not making an outline i hate myself
> 
> i've noticed that in all my stories, i always write faster when i'm listening to nan demonaiya hmmmmm maybe i should just play it again and again
> 
> and to that jeongcheol anti that keeps reading my shitty fics just to attack me on twt, HI DER I WILL NOT STOP WRITING, SO SUCK IT
> 
> okay bye hahahahaha


	10. Chapter 10

Jeonghan woke up with his head pounding and his heart heavy. He was in an unfamiliar room, the sun blasting his eyes, similarly when it did in their bedroom. But it was different; the sunlight in that room didn’t blast him much, it was warmer and more familiar, and there, he wasn’t alone. He teared up again; his heart physically feeling like it’s actually broken. His brain is right, so, so, right. It was so right to warn him against this, it warned him; it warned every organ in his body, especially that stupid heart, the one that doesn’t listen the most; it warned him. His brain knew this was going to happen, but he pushed through, anyway. Stupid.

One tear escapes and he wipes it away angrily, as he stands up to take a gander of the entire room. It was a small, clean, and extremely basic room, with thin sheets, and faulty air-conditioning. A standard telephone sat quietly in the bedside table, with a menu underneath it stating ‘house specials’. A hotel? What exactly did he do last night? He swiped the curtain open, to reveal a small balcony overlooking the beach. It was the same beach they’ve been in yesterday, in Incheon. He must have come back.

And then he started remembering.

He drove far away, and so fast he thought he was going to be thrown off a cliff anytime soon. The only stop he made was when he did at the convenience store they bought food from yesterday, but this time he stopped for beer; lots and lots of beer. The cashier inquired about him but he kept mum about it, gritting his teeth and dashing out of there as soon as he could. Then he sat on the beach, looking at the dark sea, he just sat there and drank beer, gulping them down like water, swatting every tear that dared fall down from his eyes.

He was angry. He threw the bottles around, pretty harmless against the wet sand, cursing at the sea for his fate. Cursing at himself for being so stupid and cursing at himself for being here and caring too much.

He was sad, cried and cried for reasons too many too count, without a saving grace and without a soul to hear. He finally fell on the sand and just lay there, wallowing in his tears pathetically. That, until a frail looking grandma knelt before him and begged him to go inside the inn. He relented, mostly because she looked like she couldn’t stand the cold but she didn’t want to leave him either.

Now in the broad daylight, he can see the said grandma in the beach, walking with a young woman, both who were waving at him. He waved back hesitantly, as the woman shouted ‘dining hall’ at him, waving for him to come. He relented, thinking he might have died in that beach if it wasn’t for the grandma. He picked up his jacket, keys, phone, and wallet from the bedside table and went downstairs to be met by both women.

“Good morning.” He croaked, surprised by his own voice.

The old woman limped toward him, laughing softly. “You strained your throat too much last night, follow me so I can give you a little bit of warm lemon water.” He did, as the young woman left them to sit at the corner-most booth, away from the two other lone guests sitting on the other side, sipping their coffees quietly, listening to the sound of the waves crashing, and the sizzling of cooking breakfast from the kitchen. “Hyojoo will be bringing in your breakfast in a moment, but first,” he cleared her throat and discarded her cane to the side. “I don’t really want to pry, but are you alright, boy?”

He nodded, mostly as an immediate reaction than a proper answer.  “I’m okay.”

She studied him, and he almost felt naked under her suspicious eyes. But then she sighed and chuckled. “Well, I know exactly what’s going on.”

She does? “You do?”

“Well, my granddaughter owns the convenience store down the road and told me she recognized you from the day before last night, when you went to the store with another man, whom she presumed, was your husband. And then the announcement happened, and then suddenly, you came back, alone, acting frustrated, bought a shitload of beer, got drunk, shouted at the innocent sea, cried until you fell… it wasn’t that hard to thread things.” She chuckled, coughing a little before taking a sip from the glass of water in front of her. “You were just in a close engagement marriage, fell in love, was extremely happy, and then in a second, you’re divorced, and I’m assuming, that you’re the only one devastated about the news, am I correct?”

There was no point in denying to an old lady who has seemed to figure things out, anyway, so he nodded.

“Dear boy, you have nothing to worry about.” She chuckled, and he had to chuckle himself, although in his part it was bitter. Never in his life did he expect to get this kind of comfort from other people. “You have to trust me.” He didn’t want to. Because what was there to trust, what was there to talk about, to think about? That’s just it, it’s over. “What are you worried about? The laws? That you can’t remarry one year after the annulment? That unmarried individuals cannot stay in the same home? So you won’t be with him, anymore? Is that it?”

Okay, fine, so yes, he was. He was in love with the damn man, and everything was going so well, and he was already looking forward to becoming as old as this grandma right beside Cheol and now that opportunity is lost, gone forever.

“You can just remarry him.”

“He doesn’t love me back.” He spits out.

“How can you be so sure?”

“After the announcement he said, ‘freedom’, what do you think that means?”

“I don’t know, maybe it means your freedom, not necessarily his. And I don’t really understand why you’re moping around when there are so many things you can do to deal with this.” He wanted to repeat that, ‘that can’t be, he doesn’t love me, there are no other ways’, but he’s just tired, and talking with a grandma isn’t necessarily what he’d looked forward to.

Just in time, the young woman came with a waiter who served Jeonghan with a plateful of breakfast and a glass of hot lemon water. After the two left, the grandma sat still in her seat and studied Jeonghan. “Eat your breakfast; I’m going to tell you a story.” Jeonghan nibble half-heartedly on his toast, not really having an appetite

“When I was young this arranged marriage thing hasn’t been a thing yet, so most of us just lived life, looking for the person we’ll love so much we’d eventually marry them. But according to scientific and historical study, for thousands of years, records show that we have been ending up with the same person, over and over again.” Jeonghan scrunched his eyebrows, confused. “Like a soulmate or something?” he grimaced, the term rarely used and cheesy.

“Exactly like that.” He smiled at his surprise. “Before, we just looked everywhere for that person, blindly reaching, trial and error, until we found the one. So it was risky, extremely risky; some made the wrong decisions, some died before it even happened. So when President Lim won and used all the historical records of marriages, close relationships, and family records, they conducted a study that paired every single one of us to reduce the probability of us making the wrong decision. I was a Medicine student then, at Yale University, when I was invited to join a medical group dedicated to studying the scientific basis of this passing on. It was a secret; nobody could know what we were doing. But we agreed, because we thought, why not? This could really help and cut the time for dating. But then my parents pulled me and my brother out of school because he attacked his roommate and a Senior of mine in the Medicine department, so I never got to know the results of the study.” Jeonghan twitched, uncomfortable with the information being too clear for his sanity.

“So long story short, I don’t want to attack your brain with unbelievable information, President Lim’s successors had failed to understand the purpose of the marriages it seems, since they added more and more laws that bound it strictly. They thought they were doing everybody a favor but it just got messier. So technically, what I’m trying to say is that the first government could be right. We could just be the same people coming back to the world, waiting for the same person again and again and again. You could have been in Yale when I was kicked out, you could have been my brother’s roommate, he was a Yoon Jeonghan. Your husband could have been that kind boss I had who killed himself after the love of his life just did a few days before; his lover was a Yoon Jeonghan. You could have had so many lives together and you never would have known. Because we were paired up with the people we have ended up with repeatedly in the past.”

“That’s unbelievable.” He said the first thing that came into his mind. Yes, those descriptions were hauntingly vivid, but that’s just because he’s always had a vivid imagination ever since he was a kid.

“That’s what I thought so, too, but, I can’t help but believe.”

It was a good story, it was a hopeful suggestion, albeit out of reach and laughable, but he humored her. If those can only be true, and Cheol really is supposed to end up with him then great; that would be perfect. But it isn’t and it can’t be, because this is real life, and he has just gotten lucky he was separated from a man who didn’t love him, that would have been excruciating all his life. Now, at least, he has a chance to look for someone else who will.

 

He’s at the reception, finishing up his bill when the granddaughter approached him, giving him a small pat. “Please forgive my grandma, she’s quite… meddlesome.”

“That’s okay, I needed a little distraction anyway.” He mumbled as the cashier finished up with his check out.

She shifted as if to go, but changed her mind and stayed. “Try your best.”

“For what?”

“You know there are hundreds of people who pass by the convenience store, but for some unknown reason, I remembered you and your husband. You know why?” he shook his head, kind of curious, but he pretended like he wasn’t interested. “He was at the cash register when you called out to him to pause the purchase because you were going to add some more jelly.” Jeonghan remembered fondly, smiling to himself. “He apologized to me for taking so long and looked at you while you struggled over the flavors. I saw how he looked at you.”

“Like what?”

“Like he’s totally in love and he has no idea what to do with it.” But that’s him, that’s Jeonghan. Isn’t she mistaking Cheol for him? “And it was different from yours, I can see in the look in your eyes that yours is newer; you were more scared, you were more on edge about how you feel. But he’s calm, confused, but settled. Made me realize he’s been in love with you longer.”

“That can’t be it.” he denied, shaking his head.

“Well I did ask him, ‘You love him that much?’ because he was staring at you too intensely.”

“What did he say?” even if his voice struggled to be calm, his voice shook, indicating his anticipation.

“He said, ‘I do’.”

He scoffed, not unkindly, just non-believingly. These women sounded like were such supporters of the arranged marriage he just decided for him to let them and their opinions be. “Well, thanks.” He waited for the receptionist to finish his bill before walking away with a small wave. He double-checked all his things before driving off from the small seaside inn. He connected his phone the car and called Jisoo. It was answered almost immediately.

“YOON JEONGHAN, WHERE ARE YOU?”

“I’m driving to our house.”

Silence. “Which one?” one question made Jeonghan’s heart drop again, stopping at the side of the road and leaning onto the steering wheel, and took a deep breath. “The old one.” He croaked, on the brink of bursting in to tears yet again. He feels so frustrated, he shouldn’t feel like this, it hasn’t been long, he’s just a tiny bit in love. But he’s still him, he can party again, he can sleep around again, he can get wasted… it will be so much better than before.

He takes a deep breath. “Can you get some of my clothes from the house uptown?”

“Sure.” He sounded hesitant. “You should come back to work, you aren’t that exempted anymore.”

“Yeah.”

“So I’ll just bring your things to your house, I’ll call you, okay?”

“Thanks, man.”

“Anything.”

Jeonghan takes one last deep breath before driving away from that depressing road side and back to the city.

 

When he entered the house his mother jumped from where she sat and rushed to him right away. “Jeonghan!” she exclaimed, pulling him into a hug. “Where did you go? We were all so worried.”

“I just slept somewhere else for the night.” He smiled as she fussed around him, checking him for injuries and bruises. “I’m fine, mom.” She calmed, at clasped his face in her hands.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes I am, mom. I’ve never been happier. I didn’t even have to do anything about it.” he answered, not just trying to convince his mom, but himself, too. She sighed, and sent him to his room. He nodded, hanging his car keys on the key holder by the couch before walking away to his room. He opened the door to see it immaculately clean, infinitely better compared to when he lived here constantly. He does bring the chaos wherever he went.

He laughed to himself, mostly at how pathetic he’s being about something he’d always wanted. He wished for it, and now he should be happy. He should. 

He slowly made a move to change his clothes when he spotted the framed wedding photo against his wall, the only one that probably didn’t look half bad. From the photographer’s instruction, their arms were linked by the elbows, slightly leaning against each other with soft smiles on their lips. If he didn’t remember the moment exactly, he would have believed they were in love, he would have believed that these two would fight to be together when the times pulled them away from each other. But they’re not that. They were never that. They were just two people pushed together, made to live with each other, and one of them had an unfortunate delusion that he was actually in love, when it was probably just some sort of Stockholm Syndrome.

The door opened and his little sister waddled in. “Don’t you have class?” he asked.

“It’s Saturday.” She said simply, sitting on his bed, with her legs dangling inches from the floor.

“Right.”

She’s hesitating; he can hear it from where he stood. She was fumbling with her fingers and kept on swaying her legs vigorously.  “I’m okay, Yoon Jeongah.”

“But the last time I saw you both you were making out and laughing and—”

“It was just sex, okay?” he bites out, frustrated. “You’re too young to understand but I thought that I was going to be stuck with him forever, might as well get what I want from it. So I’m okay, stop asking.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just that you looked like you were—”

“I didn’t feel like how I looked like.” He interrupts. He didn’t want to hear it again, the damn lies, their opinion on how he felt. Telling him he was in love, well, maybe he was deluded for a while, for but he is out of it anymore, he has snapped out of the delusion. “Stop telling me I was in love because I wasn’t, okay?” he wanted it to sound believable, he wanted to believe it himself so badly, but his voice started shaking and it just sounded weak. “I don’t care about it.”

“You know what, yeah, that’s believable.” His sister suddenly stood up and stomped. “You have always been selfish, and irresponsible, and insensitive, and an asshole. So you know what? That is believable.” Jeonghan froze, his sister has always been annoyed and disgruntled but he has never seen her angry. “Go back to what you were, go on! Go on parties, go on clubs, get drunk, sleep with a random dude, that’s legal now, right? Come home late, and piss drunk, and disrespectful, who cares?” tears fall from her eyes, and all Jeonghan could think of was the fact that he didn’t realize she was that invested in his marriage. She turned to leave but then she stopped by the door, “And you know what I was about to say?” she wiped the tears from her eyes aggressively. “I was about to say ‘It looked like you were better with him. That you’re happier, that you stopped finding recluse in dirty clubs, that you’ve treated our parents better when you married him. But I guess it was just a phase, and he was just disposable, just like everyone else.”

“He’s not!” he finally broke down, breaking when she said he was just disposable. Maybe he didn’t love him, maybe he just pitied his puppy eyes. Maybe he just liked that fact that he was kind, and the fact that he was a very generous, and gentle lover. Maybe he wasn’t really that precious or special. But he wasn’t disposable. “Don’t call him that.” He bit out. “He’s not disposable, okay? You’re right, I am an asshole, I’m a shitty person. I am the disposable one, not him.” he fell onto his bed, pulling his hair in frustration, burying his face in his palms. “And he’s happy to get rid of me, because I’m disposable.” He looks up to his sister who has walked closer to him. “You know what he said when we were supposed to be broken up?” she shook her head, looking quite guilty. “He said he’s free now.” He sobs, full, ugly sobbing, against his sister’s stomach. He lets it all out. All the feelings he hasn’t let out satisfyingly at the beach last night, every single tear he’s held in at the thought of him, every pitying stare, and every unavoidable fact, he just lets go as he sobs against his sister who has hesitantly put an arm around him. “He’s isn’t like everyone else.”

 

Even against his sister’s and Jisoo’s advice, Jeonghan went to the bar that night after regaining his composure and re-programming himself into thinking that he wanted this separation, that he’s the one that’s finally free, and concludes the night with drinks at the club. His usual. Everything up to his usual.

He closed his eyes and swayed against the music, expecting to be groped within the first song, as he usually is. But he wasn’t.

He stared at random strangers directly in their eyes but everyone just looked away.

He downed shot after shot, but no one has commented on it, yet.

“What that fuck is going on with me? Have I lost my charm?” he asks the bartender, Minghao, who has been working in the bar longer than Jeonghan has been hanging out there.

“Why what’s wrong?” he asks conversationally while wiping wine glasses.

“No one has hit on me, no one has groped me, no one has even stared at me in the eyes for longer than 3 seconds. Do I look unattractive tonight?”

“Dude,” he straightens up, narrowing his eyes at Jeonghan. “Of course no one would do any of those.” He laughs, pointing at Jeonghan’s left hand. “You still have your ring on."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did i mention that we're not very far from the end of this story?
> 
> no?
> 
> oh, well.
> 
> we're near the end.
> 
> i think.
> 
> hehehehehehe.
> 
>  
> 
> okay, one thing, i have this thing i'd like to share, it's something i wrote around 4 years ago, when i was instructed to write about a dream. at that time, i was struggling with unrequited love, struggling with college, struggling with life in general, and everybody around me were getting into relationships, and i already had depression for years then so i was kind of easily emotional and down. so one day, the unrequited thing just hit me hard, i want us to be friends forever so i decided to push everything i felt backward to prioritize his feelings. one night, i had a dream about my supposed 'future husband', and up until now, it's what makes me believe that there is always that one person who will make everything fall into the background, and it's going to be beautiful. it's a two page narration, and to anyone who wants to read it or something, you can always dm me @choisoftcheol, especially if you're feeling kind of sad about these kinds of things, you can always talk to me
> 
> i'm a fucking sap, what the actual fuck, i've been listening too pinwheel too much
> 
> to those who have read my other stories, did you see the references i made to open up and forever young? hehehehehehe
> 
> and i'm sorry if i'm too emo, pinwheel and baekho's solo in w.here makes me sooper sad, tnx
> 
>  
> 
> please tell me what you think, and thank you for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

Through the advice of his parents, he was sent to stay in their villa in Daegu for a few weeks, to wallow and be depressed, he thinks. If they do want him to stop acting like an asshole, they should have rented him a pad near the club so that he can shed all the remaining Choi Seungcheol DNA in his system. But instead, he was shipped off to the tiny villa beside a lake, with only wi-fi and cable to his aid. Instead of getting him out of his system all the silence does is bother him with memories, and damn flashbacks. If there was one good thing was that the entire villa was filled with DVDs and Vinyl, and board games, which he figures he can just play with on his own.

In the middle of his Adventure Time marathon, there was a knock on the door. He scanned himself up and down, deciding if his pajamas were fit for human eyes. Eventually, he did open the door to see a seemingly familiar but totally unfamiliar man at the door, holding a pot of something that smelled absolutely delicious. “Hi! I’m sorry to disturb you.” He smiled, which for some reason relieved Jeonghan from some of his worries. “We live down the street and my mom asked me to bring this to you.” Jeonghan took the bowl and hesitated if he should invite the stranger in. He sure looked warm and nice, but he was still technically a stranger.

“Oh, don’t worry, you don’t have to invite me in.” he chuckled, and Jeonghan really can’t shake the idea that he’s seen him before. “You can just bring the pot back tomorrow, our house is about 7 doors down, with the white gate.”

“Thank you.” Jeonghan smiled politely, deciding to push the question. “You’re extremely familiar, do I know you?”

The man looked startled and started chuckling. “I’m so forgetful these days. My name is Choi Seungmin, I’m your ex-brother-in-law.”

Oh. That’s why. That’s why the face is so familiar, and the smile so comforting; it’s exactly the same. “You look alike.” Was the only thing he managed to say.

“Well, I’d be bothered if we didn’t, he’s my brother.” He smiled. “Mom wanted to invite you but we’re preparing to go to Seoul tomorrow, so we’ll just visit you when we come back.” Jeonghan hesitated, was that still necessary? He wasn’t technically part of the family anymore. “Or not. Depends on Mom.” He shrugged awkwardly before walking away.

Jeonghan watched him walk away, unconsciously trying to remember Cheol through his physical features. When he turned left and disappeared from sight, Jeonghan shuffled quietly back in and placed the pot of soup on the table, unsure of what to do with it. He was useless when it came to these things, he had his mom when he wasn’t married, then he had Cheol. Which he now realizes, did every single thing in their house. Now he absolutely feels useless. After staring at the pot for too long, he just decided to put it behind his brain and went to bed after turning the TV off.

He was jolted awake by his alarm that incessantly played Panic! At the Disco songs in full volume, and with a snooze for every 3 minutes. There’s an alarm message that says ‘!!!!’ but he doesn’t really remember what it is for. What is so important about this day?

He was silently chewing on his cereal when we heart multiple cars park outside the villa, with a few people coming up to the doorstep. Another knock was heard and he rushed over, greeted by the faces of his ex-in-laws. “Good morning.” He immediately bowed the sight of the director and his wife, even though he probably still looked like shit.

“We’re on the way to Seoul, would you like to come with us?”

Why would he? He just got here yesterday. Oh, maybe he didn’t know I’m on leave. “I’m on vacation leave, Sir.” He smiled politely, even though he can’t look at him directly in the eye, he looked too much like him. “I’m staying here for a few days.”

“Oh, okay.” He looked disappointed but didn’t say anything else about it. “We’ll try and visit you when we come back.”

“Sure.”

He watched them walk away, with the director wrapping an arm around his wife. He wonders if they were in an arranged marriage, too. And if they were, he wondered how they stayed together that long while looking that happy with their lives. His parents, too, those people he was sure was a part of the arranged marriage scheme. Well, both of them were kind of soft people so there was nothing to fight a lot about.

Before he can even go back to his breakfast, he received a call from Jisoo.

“Jeonghan.” He croaked in his sleepy morning voice.

“What?” he ate a mouthful of cereal, chewing while Jisoo cleared his throat.

“Maybe you won’t appreciate this now, but you specifically told me to remind you whatever happens.”

“About what?”

“Today is Seungcheol’s surgery.” Almost all of the hair in his body stood up on their ends and he was jolted to sit up straight. That’s why his entire family was going to Seoul. His body was in war with himself, part of him wanted to stay put and disregard the reminder, but a bigger part of him wants to rush off to the bathroom to prepare to go back to Seoul. He struggled there for a while, forgetting his best friend was on the other line. “Jeonghan?”

He snapped out of his reverie, clearing his throat and trying to calm the riot in his chest. “Yeah?”

“Just go.” He sighs. “Stop struggling.”

He didn’t even notice his feet take him to the hospital until he was standing in front of it, frozen to the ground, previously powered by adrenaline, and is now realizing what he had done. He had rushed off to Cheol’s surgery, and he’s not sure if he’s even invited.

“Choi Seungcheol?” he asked the nurse on duty by the nurse’s station, who directed her to Operating Room B on the 3rd floor. He considered turning back and pretending he didn’t do it in his head multiple times, but his feet just kept taking him there. If he was being honest, he was worried. If the main thing that pulled him to Seungcheol in the first place, it had always been a worry. Ever since his first cancer scare, he’d always been worried about him. He just didn’t want to see it happening. And today, it's still worrying. He tried to put all other feelings tucked into the back, and he was successful, for all except worry.

According to the chart on the door, the surgery was finished and he was currently in the ICU. A nurse came out and he blocked her path immediately. “Where’s the patient that just came out here? Is he okay?”

“Operation was successful,” she said as she dodged Jeonghan and started walking away from him. “But he’s lost a lot of blood, and since it’s Thrombocytopenia, it became difficult to stop the bleeding. So he’s in the ICU right now.” His heart dropped to his stomach, giving a bitter taste to his tongue. His heartbeat sped and he just felt a rising panic in his chest. With only one thought in his brain right now. He wanted to see him.

He looked around for the said ICU, and found it on the left wing on the 4th floor, with his name written in a piece of paper by the ICU number. There was a nurse who was watching him suspiciously, ready to tell him off, he figures. “If you’re planning to get in there, you can’t. Only family is allowed.” He stood from where she sat and blocked Jeonghan from the door when he didn’t answer. Jeonghan tried to crane his neck up to see if anyone else there with him.

“Can I see him?” He was weak, he cursed himself inwardly, why is he so weak? Why did his voice shake? Why is he tearing up? Why is he so desperate to see him again? Why is he so fucking weak?

“Only the only family is allowed.”

“I’m his husband.” He teared up more, he hasn’t referred to himself that way in so long.

The nurse scoffed and pushed him away from the door using her finger. “As if I’m going to believe that. This is a high profile patient, we won’t let anybody in.”

“Can I see him, please?” he sniffed. He didn’t know why he thought a single ‘please’ will let this principal looking nurse be kinder to him and let him in. He just wanted to see him, make sure he’s okay, even just for a little while. “I just want to see him.”

“According to his files he’s single, are you a stalker? Are you crazy?”

“No.” he shook his head, tears falling one by one.

“You are! You’re that crazy man who keeps—”

“Mr. Yoon?” he spun around and saw Cheol’s doctor, the one that inserted so many needles and tubes in him. “What is going on?”

He was crying, messily, if he may add. “She won’t let me in.”

“He says he’s the husband, but the chart says single.” The nurse stood threateningly close, glaring at him. The doctor held her back, looking at Jeonghan with concern. “He is the husband.” He clarified. “Well, ex-husband.”

Jeonghan sniffed, trying to look around if any of his family members were there. Maybe they can allow him in. “I want to see him, is he okay?”

“He’s going to be okay, he’s just under observation, but he’s okay.”

“I want to get in.”

The doctor sighed. “I’m sorry but hospital policy won’t allow me to do that. Immediate family only. I’m sorry.” He sobbed there in the middle of the hallway, quietly, but he looking pathetic, he’s quite sure of that. “Can I stay here, at least?” he hiccupped, voice tiny.

“I’ll get a chair for you.” He nods, patting Jeonghan on the shoulder.

When Jeonghan was finally sitting down in front of the ICU room Cheol was in, his tears had stopped and he was just staring at the door incessantly.

After hours and hours, and of people passing by him on their way to the nurse’s station, he didn’t budge. Finally, the doctor approached him from where he sat. “Mr. Yoon?”

He looked up, smiling and bowing politely at him. “Thanks for letting me sit here.”

“Why are you here? I wasn’t expecting you’d come. Seungcheol told me not to expect you.” His heart constricted, fully knowing the other didn’t love him back, but there really was something extremely painful about being reminded.

“I was worried.” He answered honestly. “And I promised him I’d be there for every single one of his treatments.”

“But he couldn’t or wouldn’t see you.”

“It doesn’t matter.” He shook and hung his head down, swiping the tears which escaped. “It’s a promise.”

The doctor looked around and pulled Jeonghan into the room. “Wear this.” He was handed a sterilized cap and gown, and he was too stunned to talk. He was pulled to a sink where he was ordered to wash his hands before he was allowed in the separate part of the room where he was.

And there he was, lying peacefully on the hospital bed, with minimal oxygen tubing but with a huge bleeding bandage on the side of his stomach.

“That’s where he keeps bleeding.” The doctor whispered beside him. He scanned him, recording his entire being to memory. He looked at his face, looking like he usually did when he was in a deep sleep. Mouth open and head tilted up.

He extended his hand in an attempt to reach for Cheol’s hand but he stopped himself. He looked at the doctor for permission. “Can I…?”

He nodded, and Jeonghan touched Cheol’s index finger softly; exhaling as soon as he made contact. The doctor excused himself out and promised to come back for him. “Are you okay?” he asked the sleeping figure. “Stop bleeding, okay?” he braves himself to hold the entire hand in his. Cheol’s hands have never been exactly soft, but Jeonghan really liked holding it in his own, he liked it more when it was around him in a slow dance or in a hug, and he likes it best when it’s cupping his face. But right now, this is enough. “I know you don’t exactly want me here.” He breathes, looking at his beautiful, beautiful face. It seems as if he’s just unarmed in front of him, where all of the shields he’s tried so hard to put up around him, just gets taken down at the sight of him. “But I’m here anyway. And I’m sorry.” He stops a few of his tears from falling but some of them managed to fall on Seungcheol’s hand. “I’ll be here for the next one,” he clasps his hand. “And the next one, and the next one. But you’ll never see me, I promise.” Tears sting his eyes, making him dizzy, and almost claustrophobic. “You’ll never have to see me. Let me just… see you, okay? I need to know you’re okay.”

“We need to go.” The Doctor came back from the nurse’s station, attempting to pull Jeonghan out of the room.

“One minute, please,” he pleads, not ready to let go. “Just one minute, I’ll be right out.” The doctor closes the door, and Jeonghan squeezes Cheol’s hand in his. “I need to go.” He kisses his knuckles, smiling against them. “I’m sorry I just left the other night, I was kind of hurt with what you said; but it’s okay, of all people I should know how unwanted these situations are. I understand you.” He runs his thumb against the others like Cheol usually does when they’re spooning. “I know you don’t love me.” He admits, for the first time, out loud. And he let a heavy breath out after it, a sort of a letting go of the emotion itself. “But…” he stares and focuses on his hand, remembering how much it comforted and relieved him of worries and stress millions of times. “I love you.” He whispers. Letting the last of his tears fall against his hand along with the words, as he forced himself to let go, remove the ICU protective gear and rushed out of the room before he changed his mind.

He didn’t realize that he stayed in the hospital for so long until he came home and saw Jeonghan walking around in her school uniform. “What are you doing here?” she demands, calling their mother. “You’re supposed to be in Daegu.” He kicks off his shoes and makes a beeline for the kitchen.

“I’m back.”

“You’re supposed to be there for two weeks.” She follows him, sliding across the floor with her socks on. “Dad will kill you.” Their mother comes in, and asks him the same questions again and again.

“Cheol is in the hospital and he has treatments, I promised him I’d be there.”

“But—”

“He doesn’t have to see me.” He mumbles and takes a sip of water. The two women turn quiet, glancing at him every once in a while. “I’ll be okay.” His mother relents and leaves him and his sister alone in the kitchen.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“A blood disorder.” He dumps the glass in the sink and sits back down.

She sips on her glass of water quietly, observing him. “You shouldn’t drive with impaired vision.” She chastises.

“What?”

“Don’t drive and cry. That should be a law.” She nods to herself, begrudgingly leans over to wrap an arm around him, and pats him twice, in an attempt to comfort. “If you’ve been crying, go somewhere where you can empty it out, and then drive. You can get into an accident with that.”

He nods, teary at his sister’s concern. “Thank you.”

“And stop hurting yourself.”

He smiles, it’s the most touching thing she’s ever done for it.

“This is the only time I’ve seen you like this, I don’t like it.” he leans over to her shoulder and sobs. She stayed quiet as he did, but he realized she was crying, too, when a tear dropped on his shoulder. “Does it hurt?” she asks, her voice shaky from her tears. He nods, deciding to just lay it all on her, she has offered her shoulder, and she shall take it.

“It’ll stop. It’ll go away.” She whispers as Jeonghan continues on sobbing against her shoulder. “Does it hurt a lot, really?” she asks, again, as Jeonghan’s sobbing had started to sound like he was giving birth. “Try to release a sound when you cry, it just becomes worse when you hold it in.”

“I don’t know how to cry.” He complains jokingly, but half truthfully. He’s almost never had a reason to cry before, and now he’s crying like he’s never cried before, he’s hurting like he’s never been hurt before.

“That’s the price of falling in love with someone who didn’t assure the love back.”

“It is. Never do it, you’ll end up like me. Sobbing and pathetic.”

“You’re not pathetic.” She sniffs. “While you’re hurting right now, and while looking into your eyes while you feel it, you’re brave, really, really, brave.” She nods to herself. “For taking the risk of falling in love, without the assurance of being loved back. You’re brave.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SERIOUSLY DIDN'T PLAN AN UPDATE FOR TONIGHT WHAT HAPPENED TO ME HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I PLANNED ON WRITING AROUND 500 PAGES UNTIL I WAS ALREASY 3 PAGES IN AND I JUST WENT INTO MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE  
> CONCLUSION: PINWHEEL AND ANGST JEONGCHEOL GO TOGETHER PERFECTLY HUHUHUHUHUHUHUHUHU
> 
> I'M GOING TO DRAG THIS SUFFERING OUT, I WANT TO SEE SOME OF U DIE LOL JK
> 
> OR AM I?
> 
> this chapter is for those who fell in love and didn't receive it back, you will get it someday, and you'd be glad all those others didn't work out
> 
> And I also would like to suggest you listen to (and read the lyrics to) This Wild Life - Better With You
> 
> please tell me what you think, and thank you very much for reading!


	12. Chapter 12

Jeonghan hasn’t been in the office for weeks. He’s had two consecutive leaves plus the holidays; it almost seemed weird. He thinks everyone thought he resigned. The ones in his department, though, looked like they didn’t even notice he was gone. They went on their day as usual, as if Jeonghan was not gone for two weeks. Maybe Mingyu had conducted a seminar on how-not-to-make-Jeonghan-feel-awkward-please, because he had done that shit before and he won’t exactly be surprised if he did.

“I sent an e-mail for the final draft of the advertisement for Ford, can you check it before I submit it?” Soonyoung slides over.

“Sure.” He mumbles as he opens his email, trying to ignore the fact that the other is staring at him intensely right now.

“Can you come to my engagement dinner this weekend?” he asks suddenly. Jeonghan’s head shoots up, thinking maybe he didn’t hear that right.

“But, the law—”

“That law ain’t shit.” He jokes, but he feels Soonyoung was serious about that, too. “They dismantle the system, well, okay, I’m marrying for love, anyway, whatchu gons’ say?” he poses weirdly, making Jeonghan judge him hard.

“With Seokmin?”

“Well, duh?” he figures that was a stupid question. Not everyone gets ambushed with prospective husbands, some live knowing them, like the two lucky bastards. “And don’t worry, it’ll just be you and the gang, our parents and sisters, and lsmkldvlk”

“What?”

“Maycnjdn Cjnvdjol?”

“What?” he demands, while Soonyoung continues on mumbling guiltily.

“Maybe Cheol hyung is coming, too.”

“Oh.” Jeonghan stops, not entirely sure how to respond.

“I’m sorry, I know it’s not very comfortable but you know we’ve gotten closer, and that my parents have met him, and they like him, mostly because you know… Director’s son, but I also think it can be a good time for the two of you to at least cohabitate? I mean, you didn’t even fight, maybe it’s going to be okay?” But how is it going to be okay? He wanted to ask.

“Yeah, of course, I’ll be there.” Even though Seungcheol will probably be there, he didn’t want to miss out on Soonyoung and Seokmin’s event. He has missed out on so many lately. He has lost Cheol, he can’t afford to lose any more friends now.

Jeonghan is at the bar again, chatting with Minghao whenever he wasn’t busy running around with the orders, which is rare, as he nursed his 4th bottle of beer.

“You’re going chill tonight?” the bartender comments, pointing to his beer, which was usually something harder like a scotch, or vodka, or gin and tonic.

“Yeah. I don’t want to be too wasted.” He shouts over the music.

“Wow! That’s a first.”

He laughs, reaching over the counter to hit him. He hangs out by the bar nowadays, talking with Minghao, or that classy looking guy who mans the bar sometimes who looked like he could be the manager or the owner of the bar. It seemed like there was nowhere else where he could block his own thoughts. Whenever he was alone with himself, he always tends to be depressed and cry over the most minimal stuff, he had to get over it. So he goes to the bar, drowns himself in alcohol, blocks his ears with pounding music, and blocking his brain with the occasional conversation.

“Where’s that other guy who helps around here, the tall one?”

“Oh, Jun? He’s the Manager. But he only helps out when we’re short on staffing, we’re okay tonight.” He hands a margarita to the girl who’s been eyeing Jeonghan for quite some time by now. “Plus he’s the husband of the owner he can chill anytime he wants to.”

Before he could answer or make a comment, someone taps him on the arm and sits on the high stool beside him. “Hi! How are you doing?”

“Oh, sorry, I’m flattered, but,” he flashes him the ring that for some reason he still hasn’t removed and laughs awkwardly as he tried to send him off. “I’m married.”

“Oh, no! No! No!” the other guy answers, panicked.

Minghao laughs, hitting Jeonghan on the arm as a form of retaliation. “This is Jihoon, he’s the owner of the bar.”

“Oh! I’m sorry.” He apologizes; embarrassed at being brazen enough to assume the other was hitting on him.

“No, that’s fine, you’re a regular, we know you get hit on a lot.”

Jeonghan laughs, not really sure what to say anymore.

“But seriously, how are you? Where did I see you last again?” He smiled conversationally but to be honest, he’s not really sure why the other is trying to get into a conversation. He may be a regular but he doesn’t think that it’s the owner’s job to entertain him or to ask him how he is. Club owners should just wish everyone stay gloomy, and throwing their lives away so he can always have new customers. But he relents anyway.

“Uhh, I’m fine.” He takes a sip of his beer he observes the other man whose eyes seem to be following someone else in the crowd. “How about you?” he thought it’d be polite to ask.

“Busy busy, lemon squeezy.” He can hear it in the other’s tone that he’s not really used to talking like this but he’s trying to be extremely conversation. “I’m sorry to pry, but, I noticed that you got married this year, and you know, the thing with the illegalization… what do you feel about that?”

To sober Jeonghan, the question did seem kind of invasive. But 5 beer bottles in Jeonghan thought it wasn’t such a reckless question. Besides, this man is an outsider, where’s the harm? As long as he didn’t exactly try to invade what Jeonghan didn’t want to be invaded, he thought that can be quite alright. “It wasn’t very nice.”

“Care to elaborate?” he asks as he hands Jeonghan a glass of whiskey after he finishes his beer, muttering ‘on the house’ to an ecstatic man.

“Well, I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but I was kind of in love with him already.”

“I noticed.” Minghao passed by with a bottle in hand.

“Shut up.” Jeonghan slurs. “So when we heard the news, we were on the couch, I wanted to make out with him that night, but then he just said ‘freedom’. He’s free. And I just rushed out of there.” Jeonghan gestures upwards, his brain slowly turning into mush with the whiskey.

“Did you try and talk about it?”

“We’ve never talked since.”

“That’s…” the other fades, and sighs. “It’s unclear. There’s no closure.”

“That was the closure, we aren’t allowed to do this.”

“You are, a year from now.”

“But he doesn’t love me.” 

“How can you be so sure, there wasn’t any closure?”

Jeonghan sighed, not really knowing the answer to that. He just did. The absence of one is the opposite, right? Black is the absence of color, dark is the absence of light, if he didn’t feel Seungcheol was in love with him, then it wasn’t there. “I’m just sure.”

“Did he ever tell you he wasn’t?”

“No.”

“Then why do you think he really isn’t?”

“Because he never told me that he did.”

The other turned silent, not really knowing what to respond with. He smiles at nurses his drink. “Well, that’s a valid point, too.” However, the other started smiling evilly, swirling his glass in front of him, studying Jeonghan up and down. “Can you promise me you’d stay in your seat?”

“For what?” Jeonghan looks up curiously.

“Just promise me you won’t leave your seat for the next 30 minutes or we’ll ban you here.”

Oh no. “Okay, sure.”

The other smiles brightly, placing his glass back down. “Perfect!” he steps down as he greets someone from behind Jeonghan and wraps the other in a quick hug before pulling him into the seat in front Jeonghan.

It was him.

Jihoon smiled and tapped him in the shoulder. “I remember where I saw you last!” he exclaims. “It was at your wedding! I’m his best friend.” he laughs as he pushes Seungcheol back down, equally as surprised as he was. “Stay here, I’m gonna go get it from my office.” He bites out almost threateningly.

When he leaves, Jeonghan was left there, still intoxicated, but still knowing that Choi Seungcheol shouldn’t be the person in front of him right now. He was still pale and thin, his bones poking out from the side of his jaw. Some of the hospital bandages were still in his arm, obviously not the kind of look that should be in a bar at 1:30 AM.

“What are you doing here?” he asks the most sensible question he can ask right now. 

“I need to get something from him.” Jeonghan held his breath; he realized he hadn’t heard his voice in days now. “You?”

“Back to my usual, you know.” He blurts out. The other nods solemnly, looking everywhere but him. So that’s it? That’s what he gets when it’s the first time they’ve seen each other since? A small question and a nod? “You know, we should just go back to being friends.” He suggests impulsively.

“We were never friends.” He said directly, striking a chord within Jeonghan, but he tried to pretend it didn’t.

“Oh well, we can start trying to be friends, then.” He suggests, anger fueling the half-mocking tone in his voice. He hated this. He hated pretending like he didn’t want to climb onto his lap, crying onto his shoulders and tell him he loves him. Maybe subconsciously, he’s trying to get him to be friends so he can have a shot at making him fall in love the natural way, and not the way they were pushed together.

Seungcheol scoffed, but begrudgingly offers his hand for Jeonghan to shake anyway. Jeonghan accepts and as soon as their hands made contact, Jeonghan instantly became charged up, somewhere in between angry, and happy, and emotional, and it makes him want to do so much but he just sat there, stiff, and sent Seungcheol an unexplainable cocky smile.

He turns back to the bar, and in the haze, and his stress, orders one more glass of whiskey. He has changed his mind, he isn’t going chill tonight. He didn’t want to, or didn’t think, he can get through this night partially sober. He wasn’t ready for this, he wasn’t ready to see him. He still hasn’t decided about what he wanted to do about this, and now by some urge he’s asked him to be friends again? What is wrong with him?

He downs one, two, then three glasses, and stopped only when things just started becoming hazy and scattered to him. All this time, Seungcheol has been watching him, nursing his own drink, a glass of scotch, which Jeonghan knew got him drunk quickly. He hates how he knows things as simple as those facts. He turns to Cheol, looking sickly, and pale, and absolutely breathtaking. “How have you been?”

The other turns and squints at him. “Pretty okay, why?” Pretty okay? So you’re pretty okay, nice. Apparently, while Jeonghan is out making a fool of himself, mind going haywire and having a mental breakdown, he’s been pretty okay.

He sighed.

He’s okay, why is he so stressed about that? What’s wrong with him? Did he want him to suffer, too? Did a part of his wish Cheol was as broken as he was when they broke up? What kind of a sadist is he, then? He didn’t know what’s going but it just left a bitter taste in his tongue. It just solidified the fact that Cheol did in fact, didn’t value the relationship that much. “You just look horrible and sickly, that’s all.” He comments seemingly off-handedly.

“I just noticed,” Seungcheol mutters, words slurred as if he’s starting to get drunk. “You’re a jerk.”

That made Jeonghan scoff, that was the kind of comment he got when he was in middle school from a nerd, and not from an ex-husband at 26 years old. “A jerk?”

“A jerk.” He nods in that self-righteous thing he had, raising his chin up high as if he knows he’s absolutely right. “Maybe I was caught up in marriage haze that I didn’t notice, but yeah, you’re a jerk.”

“Nice insults, teenage nerd.” Jeonghan bites back.

“You’re an asshole.”

“Nice to know you’ve graduated to high school.” He answers sarcastically, throwing Minghao a don’t-judge-me look. A few minutes ago he was just telling Jihoon how in love he was but now he’s throwing one insult after another just because he’s annoyed at how aside from the surgery, it feels like he’s just fine, when Jeonghan on the other hand, isn’t.

Jeonghan was about to retaliate when Jihoon came running to them. “Give me a few more minutes, I can’t find it.” he smiles then runs off again.

After releasing a huge sigh, Seungcheol turns to him. “How about you, how have you been?”

Miserable.

Horrible.

Struggling.

I miss you.

“Awesome.” He said instead. “I’ve been hanging out here almost every day for the past week. I’ve missed this so much.” He glanced at Minghao who was blatantly judging him by now with a face that said ‘boi-what-you-doing?’.

Seungcheol scoffs and nods anyway. “I can’t say I’m not surprised.” Jeonghan decided not to take that too seriously and offensively, but then he added. “Someone like you wouldn’t really change for anything.”

What? “Excuse me? Someone like me?” in their time as a married couple, they’ve had fights, sure, but they have never gone below the belt (well, a few times but that is unrelated and stop), but they have never had a fight as childish as this. “What do you mean by that?”

“Oh don’t tell me you’re riling over that.”

“What, what do you want me to rile over?” Alcohol and a little bit of unexpressed frustration about the whole situation is fueling this entire thing and instead of a civil, humanly plausible conversation, they have taken the path of aggression. Seungcheol’s face got red, like it always does when he’s biting back attacks, Jeonghan is panting for no reason, just like he always does when all he wants is to shout at him, throw things at him, but all he can do right now is glare at him.

“People like you.” He answers the first question. “People like you who like to use people for their own gain, you never change.”

“How? How do I use people for my own gain?” they’re facing each other now, shouting all almost normal because of their voices that are getting drowned out by the booming music. He doesn’t understand the logic in this fight, all he knows is that he wants to fight him for some reason, and the calm and collected Choi Seungcheol apparently want to, too.

“You have fun, you engage in your own recreational activities. And what role do human beings play in your pretty little fun play?” he glares at Jeonghan, more menacing than the one when they fought over the remote, but less menacing that they fought over the leftover kimbap. Well, apparently, they’ve had childish fights before, but nothing was ever founded on such frustrations. “Your little playthings. Every one of us, we’re just here for you to play with aren’t we?”

In one slam, and in one motion, Jeonghan managed to push himself in between his parted legs and pull his face into a desperate kiss. As soon as their lips touched, Jeonghan exhaled a little at the relief, releasing some of the feelings he’s been holding on to for weeks. They want to see him again, to touch him again, and to kiss him again, all fulfilled in one night, and he’s confused, but excited, and ecstatic, and just relieved. Because he thought this entire night is just a figment of his frustrated imagination, a mirage created by his desperate soul. But right here, right now, holding him in his arms, with him slowly giving up the fight and slowly melting into the kiss, Jeonghan hasn’t felt more relieved a person exists in his reality.

Arms wrap around his waist and pulls him forward and closer, closer, impossibly even closer, as the arms Jeonghan wrapped around the others’ neck pulls him down to deepen the kiss, weeks of missing him poured into the kiss, desperately seeking translation to the things he can’t say.

“Should we get out of here?” Seungcheol widens the gap, and in his post-kiss haze, asks.

“Which is nearer?”

“I still have a key to the house.” He pats his pocket, and smiled mischievously.

Jihoon and Minghao forgot as two drunk ex-husband idiots run from where they were just making out, apparently to sleep with each other again in their old shared house because they’re both masochists who just can’t say things as they are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINALLY HAD TIME TO UPDATE OH WORK YOU BUNDLE OF ANNOYING TASKS AND DEADLINES
> 
> I PROMISE THIS WILL BE THE LAST LONG BREAK I WILL TAKE i will stop being lazy and update more often
> 
> it may be kind of confusing so i just want to clarify, this is not the end hehehehe
> 
> soooooooo thank you being patient with me, and thank you for reading
> 
> please leave a comment if you like hehehehehehe


	13. Chapter 13

Jeonghan’s back is smooth against the soft mattress they both shared for months. Seungcheol crawls over him, immaculate and almost ethereal, as he clasps Jeonghan’s face between his palms. He leans in slowly, pausing for a long while to just hover his lips over his excruciatingly near, basking in each other’s presence, looking into each other’s eyes. Seungcheol slowly closes the gap and presses his soft lips against Jeonghan’s trembling ones.

Jeonghan’s heart is pounding against his chest, scratching and tearing down his walls, wanting to latch onto the person in front of him, desperate for him, and not just his touch, not just his smile, and not just his eyes; it’s all of him. He returns the kiss tentatively, pouring his soul out onto the tiny movements, wrapping his arms around the other and reaching back to clasp Seungcheol’s hair between his fingers, massaging the scalp softly.

Seungcheol deepens the kiss, and pulls Jeonghan impossibly closer to him, Jeonghan pours his desperation out to his responses, kissing the other back fervently, tugging at his clothes, until both were naked, sweating, and hot. Seungcheol leans down to nip at Jeonghan’s neck, making the other arch up. “Just get it over with.” He grumbles impatiently at Cheol who was obviously taking his time, going back up and down the lines of Jeonghan’s neck. Jeonghan wraps both legs around him and grinds against him, forcing a moan out of the other.

“Impatient, aren’t we?” Cheol teases, kissing down his chest.

“I haven’t done this in weeks, I can’t help it.” he breathes, and for a second, Seungcheol freezes from his traveling kisses before he eventually resumed. His kisses had suddenly become lewd sucking against the immaculate skin, going down, down, down, before taking Jeonghan in his mouth in one swipe. Jeonghan arches, clutching on the sheets for dear life as Seungcheol bobs his head up and down.

Jeonghan stretches his head back, mouth forming an ‘o’ as Seungcheol’s fingers massage his opening, prepping him for what’s about to come. “Stop that.”

“What?” Seungcheol asks while Jeonghan was still in his mouth, sending vibrations down to his ex-husband’s spine, forcing him to pull the other by the shoulders, off him. “I’m not going to last if you keep doing that.” He pulls him back down to him, kissing his entire face as he reaches over for the lube they usually hide in the first drawer. “Go.” He hands him the slippery but sticky bottle, an evidence of non-usage.

Seungcheol lathers the liquid on his hand and inserts a finger onto Jeonghan. It’s been long, he can tell by Jeonghan’s facial expression. He pumps his finger in and out, basking in the sounds the other is starting to make before adding another one. He knelt comfortably, wrapping his other hand around Jeonghan, pumping up and down in sync with his fingers inside him. “Oh, God, fuck, please just…” Jeonghan’s voice falters, strained and tired, and exhales shakily. Cheol pulls his fingers out and guides himself into the other’s prepped opening.

As he buries himself in, Jeonghan holds onto his arms and moans lewdly, adjusting a little to Cheol’s size. As soon as he relaxes, he grinds himself onto Seungcheol, prompting him to move. And he does. He moves in time with Jeonghan, memorizing each other’s skin as their hands traveled, and squeezed, and felt. Jeonghan looks at him in the eye as they move in unison, on the brink of their climaxes, and Jeonghan starts realizing what they did. Jeonghan looks away as a tear fell sideways, surrendering to Seungcheol’s absolute control over him, and just in time as he starts seeing stars behind his eyes, and within a few thrusts into him, turns into fireworks behind his eyes.

Jeonghan wakes up with the usual beautiful glow of their room in the morning, as he is reminded of his stupidity the night before. An arm is wrapped around him, hateful and despicable and fake, and Jeonghan has a strong urge to vomit. He let himself be used, and he feels the filth against his skin. Yes, he wanted it, yes he was in love with him, but was he? He was just doing it for sex, and he’s probably confident because of the fact that Jeonghan is in love with him, and he almost had been okay with that, because just feeling him next to him is enough payment. Well, he’s just declared himself as the shittiest paid prostitute in history.

He shoves the other body pressed against him abruptly as he shoots up from the bed to gather his things. The other wakes and is squinting at him while he quickly tried to get dressed.

“What…?”

“I need to go to work.” He reasons because it’s true. He still has to look for most of his clothes, and hope they brought his car back here last night. “I’m going.” He pulls his tie from the bedside table and rushed off before Seungcheol can even react.

Jeonghan felt horrible, he did. But what he did for the next few days was as almost as questionable as his existence. He went to bed with Seungcheol every night after that, left quickly every morning, and moping about it at work all day. He doesn’t even know what this is anymore; all he knows is that these nights together are the only ones he’s left of him. And God forbid, he wasn’t going to let any of those go.

It’s Christmas day, and he wakes up to another morning in their old house, wearing no clothes, and teary again. Except for today he stays there instead of rushing off, he just lies there, staring off to the distance, reevaluating his entire life. He was used to this, he slept with people even if the only thing they wanted from him was sex, he did this all the time, why is he feeling so torn and broken about this, then? It’s no different. It’s no different. He’s told himself that so many times he’s not sure who he's he’s trying to convince anymore.

The figure beside him stirs, moving to the side and sitting up. “You staying?” Jeonghan freezes, not realizing that he did prefer staying; but he didn’t think Seungcheol might want him to. So he sits up, dragging his body up and walking to the nightstand, reaching for his glasses which he hastily cleans. “I’m not.” He answers instead. “I’m going home.”

Fortunately he was able to change into his pants before he fell asleep the night before, so he just had to pick up his shirt and button it up. He didn’t know what the point in all of this was, why was he doing this when it felt like torture? Whenever since he did this every step has been like walking on broken glass? If it’s just sex he wants he can just get that from somebody else, why is he here?

Seungcheol sits on the edge of the bed and watches him fix his collar, smoothing the front of his shirt with his palm. Jeonghan tries to pay him no attention, focusing on his crumpled shirt, trying to hide the fact that he’s just stayed over a guy’s house even though his parents probably know. He looks at his sullen features, his pale face, messy hair, and dark bags. You wouldn’t be able to tell he’s been having sex the past weeks when you see him like this.

“Are you okay?” He snaps out of his reverie when the other asks.

“Yeah,” he nods and picks up his bag and shoves his things in. “I’m okay.” He focuses on the pain in his chest, and the only thing that he can think of right now was that he just wants that feeling away. He just wants to feel like he always did before he met the man beside him right now; he wants to unlearn what the term ‘heartbroken’ means because right now, it feels so much more than just broken.

But he feels like this is just karma. From all the years of using people, not he’s the one being used, and he just lets it happen right before his very eyes. He just watches the other crush his heart, picking on the pieces, little by little, playing with it.

“I’m gonna go.” He walks out the door without another glance, watching his feet, imagining them bleed. He’s never been such a masochist, but sometimes he just likes watching himself crash and burn. He likes watching himself pay for it all. He hears the other follow him, but he stops on the top of the stairs, just watching Jeonghan walk away. “I’m not coming back tonight.” He mutters instinctively, panicking as soon as he said it, but decides it’s for his own good. He’s not going to survive this if he pushes further.

Seungcheol stays silent and just gapes down on him. Before he’s finally out the door, he hears the other rushing down the stairs. “Why?” he pants.

“I’m just not.” He shakes his head, turning a little to face him. “I want to do something else.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.” Jeonghan throws his hands up in the air. “Not this.” He stares at him. He wants to leave now. He didn’t like baring himself out like this, and he feels like if he isn’t going to leave in a few minutes then he’s going to bare whatever that needs baring. “Not this. I can’t.”

Seungcheol nods then smile. “Yeah, sure.” His heart skipped a beat. He already expected that response but for some unknown reason, deep inside, he wanted it to be something else. “Bye, then.”

“Bye, Cheol.” he walks out the door, and for the sake of his sanity, does his best not to look back. But before he can even consider his decision, he’s being pulled back in harshly by the arm, making him stumble back into the house.

“What the fuck?”

“Why are you being like this?”

“Like what?” he demands, pulling his arm back and massaging it.

“Like…” he motions to him. “Like this!”

“What, I need to resign from being your fuck buddy?” he snaps. “Do I need to give you a month’s notice so you can replace me before I leave?”

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“I’m sorry but I’m going AWOL I’m not doing this anymore.”

“Oh, I’m sorry; I thought you do this all the time.” With a surge of anger, Jeonghan punches him in the face, not strong enough to knock him out, but strong enough to make him tumble back, and strong enough for Jeonghan’s hard to hurt a lot. “That’s all you can do?”

Jeonghan seethes, ready to beat the shit out of him, but then he remembers that the other just had surgery. He holds himself back, even though the other is blatantly challenging him. “Just hurt me, asshole, just beat me up, numb my skin, because that’s the only way you can get all the other things out of my system.”

Jeonghan stops, panting, hating the fact that he’s trying to use his supposed feelings to trigger him. “I hurt you, is that it?” he asks, fists still clenched. “And you didn’t hurt me?” he involuntarily tears up, reminding himself about the triggering factor of voicing things out. Seungcheol’s body relaxes then gives up, as he walks to the couch and sits down.

“You were sitting here when he announced it.” he looks back. “I was standing here,” he motions to the space by the couch. “Frozen solid, waiting for your reaction.”

“Stop it.”

“We both sat here when I told you it was nothing serious; that it was just a blood disorder and not cancer.”

“I said, stop it.”

“We always used to sit here and watch cartoons in the morning when we’re both too early for work.”

“I will leave if you don’t stop.”

“You were sitting right here,” he motions to the space beside him. “When I realized I was knee deep, so deeply in love with you.”

Jeonghan freezes on his spot, cognition halted, muscles immobile. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“You had trails of salt in your chin because you always liked your popcorn salty.” He smiles.

“Don’t pretend as if you felt something for me,” Jeonghan bites out. “Are you that desperate?”

Seungcheol’s head shoots up and he stares at Jeonghan incredulously. “You think this is desperation? For what?”

“For sex?” Jeonghan is seething; he should never have started this. He thought he had already expected the worst, but he hadn’t expected Cheol to stoop as low as mocking him and his feelings. “Will you stop if I gave you what you want? Will that make you?”

“Yoon Jeonghan, what is going on inside your brain?” he stands, shaking his head. “You think that is what this is?”

“What else? Why would you do this to me?” his tears start falling one by one, as the other rushes to him and wrap his arms around him. He struggles, but he tries to wipe his tears off anyway. “Please stop this.” He Sobs. “I won’t be able to take any more.” He weakens, as his pain overpowers him. “I’m dying inside, please, stop this.”

“Baby, baby, please, listen to me.” The other begs, trying to handle the sobbing mess in his arms.

Jeonghan’s heart breaks, exhausted, and abused, so it’s a normal Monday for him ever since they were broken up. He continues sobbing, thinking about he’s given all morals, and all of his heart to the first person he falls in love with, and just allows him to crush it, play with it, and kick it around. And his heart is tired; he just wants to patch it up himself and hang it back up on his chest. “Stop killing me, please.” He pleads, his face contorting into the most pitiful sob in the world, reflecting what’s going on inside him.

Seungcheol’s arms weaken around him and he falls to the ground, exhausted. He just sits there, tears falling one after the other, staring at the other’s feet, noticing redness and small wounds, maybe from his procedures. The other sits beside him on the floor, lifting his chin up with his hand. “Look at me.” He does, and all Jeonghan sees is his love for, every single one of it, inside there, even the ones he should have reserved for himself. “How am I killing you?” he asks, hurting. “What am I doing to you?”

Jeonghan hung his head, closing his eyes to prevent more tears from escaping. “You’re happy to get rid of me.” He whispers almost to himself, recalling every moment in the past few days. “You don’t care about me.” He smiles bitterly, mostly about pathetic he sounds. “You don’t love me.” He says a little quieter. “You’re using me, and I’m letting you do it.”

“Where the hell did you get that?”

“My brain.” He laughs, but there is no other source, where should he?

“I’m serious, what made you think I didn’t love you?” he asks, sounding kind of angry. “Can’t it be that I was just being timid like I usually am? Can’t it be just that I am actually throwing myself at you and risking my heart to be broken? How can I not know you aren’t playing with me?”

“You don’t.”

“Exactly, I don’t, because you know why? Because you never told me you did, just like I never told you I did.” He sighs his angry tone off. “And I love you, I thought that was obvious?”

Jeonghan’s heart was still heavy, but it lightens slowly and slowly as the confession sinks in. “But why did you say ‘freedom’ that night?”

“I meant your freedom, not mine.” He sighs, exasperated, hating the fact that their entire lives are just a bundle of misunderstandings. “You never wanted to be in the marriage, and then finally, you weren’t.”

“But I didn’t want to, I wanted to stay with you.”

“I wanted to stay with you, but I assumed you didn’t want to.”

“I thought you didn’t want to.”

“But I wanted to.”

“And I wanted to.”

“We’re confusing.”

Jeonghan nods. “Yeah.”

Seungcheol hesitates but decides that he’s just bared his heart out, the least he can do is reach out to touch his face. “I totally, unequivocally, desperately, in love with you.” He pulls Jeonghan’s forehead to rest against his. “And all I want in the world is for you to love me back.”

Jeonghan sighs and closes his eyes, basking in the feeling, experiencing the disappearance of all his previous worries. “You’ve got it,” he whispers. “You’ve had it for a long time.” He initiates and leans into him and presses his lips on his.

He has kissed him multiple times this week, but this is different. It wasn’t the formality kiss that came with sex, it wasn’t the lusty kiss that sampled what tongues do. This is was the kind of kiss that sucks a whole being out from reality and transports them into their perfect imagination. Jeonghan clasped his arms, making sure he was there and that he’s real.

They’re so into each other, they didn’t even notice the door open.

Jeongah emerges, with a surprised facial expression which eventually turned to disappointment and annoyance. “Every. Single. Damn. Time.” She grumbles and walks out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm doing top cheol for this fic for a change, and i have warned everyone else multiple times, i suck at writing smut so if it sucks then....hehehehehehe, i hope it doesn't suck that much huhuhuhuhu
> 
> and if it isn't already obvious, we're nearing the end, and my brain is kind of fried so if there are any errors (and i'm sure there are i have never posted anything without a single typo or grammatical error because i hate my life)
> 
> thank you for being patient with meeee!
> 
> please tell me if you enjoyed this chapter!
> 
> and ps, to those who ship kaisoo (or who doesn't but just wants to read a VERY good story) and wants to know real betrayal regarding the tagging that says 'light angst' and the /actual/ story, i suggest you read Anterograde Tomorrow by changdictator, and don't do google images or something too many spoilers (it's on fucking goodreads, rated 4.9 IT'S THAT GOOD so here's a link for a pdf file): https://www.docdroid.net/MRxNnBe/anterograde-tomorrow.pdf


	14. Chapter 14

Despite finally admitting to their feelings and kissing the whole thing out, the fact still stands that both Seungcheol and Jeonghan are very stubborn and proud… and maybe mostly scared. That break and that period of Jeonghan’s life was one of the most difficult that he’s had to endure. It became too much for him to handle and he doesn’t know if he’ll survive if it happens again. They have seen each other in the company, but they’ve both either been dragged off somewhere else by an impatient boss or were surrounded by too many people. They’ve both made efforts, sure. They’ve tried meeting up in the rooftop, or in desperate times, even the bathroom, but to no avail. One of them will always get blocked somewhere in the middle.

“I can just schedule it for you or something.” Jisoo comments off-handedly and Jeonghan has never been annoyed at himself. How did he never think of a third-party resolver? “I can ask his secretary about his schedule and maybe I can set you both up somewhere private.”

“That would be awesome. Thank you.” He stands from his drawing table and strides over to uncharacteristically hug his best friend.

A hug which he now realizes is prematurely given as Jisoo had set them up in the VIP room of the bar they frequent in, the bass of the loud Friday night music vibrating through the walls, filling the silence in the room as Seungcheol nursed his drink while Jeonghan stared at him. You can see the hesitation shrouding them both, skirting the line between backing out and pushing through; which is exactly how you can describe their relationship as a whole.

“Hey.” Seungcheol greeted first.

“Hi.” Jeonghan smiled, rather awkwardly, but it was enough.

“So… how are you?”

“Busy, you?”

“Pretty busy, too.” He looks around the dingy room, marred by the stains left by previous customers, made fresh by some Febreeze or something stronger, hopefully. “So why did Jisoo lock us here?”

“To talk… I think.” Jeonghan fidgets with his fingers, unsure of how to continue. Sure, he wanted to talk and to straighten things out, maybe wanted to get back together, maybe not. But now that he’s looking at him, hearing his voice, and feeling the pang right on his chest, he’s not sure he’s willing to risk it anymore. “We have a lot to iron out.”

The other shuffles into his seat, getting comfortable, as he faces Jeonghan. “I want to try again.” He breathes, causing Jeonghan’s brain to go into overdrive. He’s been considering it for days on end but now that the proposition has been offered, he’s not so sure anymore. He’s sure he wants him back, he’s sure he wants to be free again, and this time, more so. But he’s not sure he wants to go through the pain again.

“I don’t know…” he shrugs; conflicted. Maybe he wants to, but not now. “I’m scared.”

Seungcheol’s expression softens and he smiles. “It’s okay. I’ll just try again.” He scoots over to nearer, reaching for his hand. “The problem with us the first time is we almost didn’t have the time to get to know each other. We’re doing things right this time.”

Jeonghan smiles because that’s perfect.

The following night, Jeonghan was dragged by his friends to the club, encouraged to let out the party animal he caged because of marriage—and mostly loyalty. “Oh what the hell.” He throws his hands in the air as Mingyu and Soonyoung practically want to drag him to the dance floor as he hesitated. “What am I to lose, anyway?” he laughs and follows the two to the center of the room, swaying to the pounding music, synchronizing with the beat of his heart and the pump in his veins. It’s different from before he was married and now. Even though he’s single, the guys and girls that have been hitting on him have still been rare, it’s as if everyone still remembers he has a husband. Well, he had one.

Suddenly, the music slows to a sweet one, as Mingyu partners up with his husband and Soonyoung partners up with his fiancé, leaving Jeonghan to standing there awkwardly, shuffling off back to their table. Before he can, though, a finger pokes his shoulder. He turns to see Choi Seungcheol, in one of the hottest things he’s worn ever since Jeonghan has met him. If he would rank it #3, right underneath ‘sexy office suit’ at number 2, and ‘nothing’ at #1. “Can I have this dance?” he asks, offering his hand as if asking a princess in a ball.

“Sure.” He smiles, accepting the offered hand as he is pulled gently against a warm body that had always fit his. Arms snake around his waist as he clutches his arms as they sway gently with the music. “What are you doing here?”

“Jisoo told me you’d all be here.” He smiles, caressing Jeonghan’s back gently. “He said ‘we’re going to scope hot dudes for your ex at the club, 10 pm, proceed at your own risk’.” He laughs his gummy smile, looking Jeonghan in the eye. “I wore this to scare someone off.”

Jeonghan’s entire body heats up, and probably reddens, too, visible if they weren’t in the dark. “You didn’t have to; no one has been hitting on me all night.”

“Well,” it was Seungcheol’s turn to redden, but visibly, in his case. “For one thing, you still have your wedding ring on.” Jeonghan’s breath hitches, not even realizing that even though that has been pointed out multiple times, he hasn’t removed it.

“That explains a lot.” He makes a move to remove it, but Seungcheol’s left-hand flies from his back to stop him from doing it, flashing a very shiny silver band, still poised on his ring finger. “Maybe not in front of me.” His heart drops, guilty. He mutters a small ‘sorry’ before leaning over to rest their temples against each other, feeling their heartbeats against their skin, the others’ breath fanning his hair. “I’m Seungcheol, by the way, nice to meet you, person, I’ve never met before.”

Jeonghan chuckles, remembering their promise of trying to start over. “I’m Jeonghan. You’re gorgeous by the way.”

“Are you flirting with me?” Seungcheol puts a hand on his head and caresses his hair, still swaying to the music.

“Why, is it not allowed?”

“It is, but I’m divorced, it that alright with you?” he lowers his voice, just enough for Jeonghan to hear.

“It’s alright, I’m divorced, too.” he pauses. “Although we need to be careful, my ex-husband is the jealous type.”

“He’s going to have to deal with me then because I’m not letting you go like he did.” A sigh escapes Jeonghan’s lips, leaning over further to rest his forehead on his shoulder. The other takes that opportunity to hug him closer, leaning forward to kiss his nape gently. Seungcheol has never done that before, but for some reason, it feels eerily familiar, as if he had. “It would be dangerous if he’s still in love with you.”

“I don’t know. He said he was but I don’t know, really.”

“I’m sure he is.” As the song fades back into a fast-paced one, Seungcheol leaves another peck on his temple before dragging him off to the table. Jisoo beams at the sight of the two, taking his attention from the girl he’s been talking to. She was pretty, small, and elfish, and looked like she wasn’t Korean. “Nice to see you take up the challenge.” He grins up at Seungcheol.

They sit right beside each other, bodies facing each other as Jeonghan calls over to order drinks. The elfish girl stares at them, a tiny smile in her small face, kind and shy. “Hi, I’m Jeonghan, Jisoo’s best friend, nice to meet you.” He offers his hand as she reluctantly reaches out to accept. “My name is Erika.” She answers in an obviously accented voice. “I’m a childhood friend of Jisoo from America.”

Jeonghan nods and raises an eyebrow at his best friend who was visibly flushing. He decides to let him off the hook as their drinks arrive, facing Seungcheol once more, eyes twinkling, mostly from the reflection of the lights but he concludes they’re beautiful anyway.

“What’s your favorite color?” he suddenly asks. Jeonghan stares at him, scanning all the colors in his mind, and subconsciously attaching Cheol to each one of them.

“Red.” The color of your lips. The color that suits you the most. How I feel when I’m with you. “Or maroon. Yours?”

“Dark blue.” He nods to himself, obviously picturing the color in his brain. “Favorite food?”

“Your mom’s jjajangmyeon. Yours?”

“Your mom’s chicken stew.” He laughs leaning closer. That goes on for the entire night, them trying to learn the things they never bothered to ask each other when they were married. Some of the information he’s learning isn’t much of a surprise anymore.

“Your favorite body part… well, my body part.” Seungcheol asks challengingly, more than just intoxicated by now.

“Thighs, definitely thighs.” Jeonghan reaches over and gives it a little squeeze then takes his hand back.

Some of the questions were questions they should have asked as soon as they started living together.

“Allergies?”

“None. You?”

“Pollen.”

“Seriously? I gave your flowers in Norway!” Jeonghan gasped, horrified. He even put one in Seungcheol’s ear and took a picture of him that day.

“I had my medicine, it’s fine.”

This went on for the entire night until Wonwoo started complaining about wanted to go to sleep while Seokmin followed suit. “We should go now.” Jisoo offers as they all file to a little line outside the club, a blast of fresh spring air against their skin, as some of them who didn’t bring cars hailed cabs.

Seungcheol clears his throat. “I’d love to see you again.” He controls his grin, continuing their little roleplay of two people who just met each other at a dance club. “Would you like to have dinner with me tomorrow?”

“Sure. You have my number.” As a cab stops for him, Jeonghan gives his ex-husband a peck on the cheek before leaving him there.

The mini dates and the flirting went on for weeks on end. They were busy but they tried their best. They had dinners together, hung out in their old house and continued watching Three Bare Bears and went home without their parents knowing they’ve been dating again. As the company just finished the biggest deal they’ve made and successfully, the company threw a huge party which they all attended, without Wonwoo, though, because it was an employee only party.

Jeonghan has had three bottles of beer as Seungcheol walks in, wearing #2 on Jeonghan’s list of clothes he wears the sexiest. A pretty girl from the advertising and marketing team approaches him, not in the manner that Jeonghan exactly liked. He narrowed his eyes and tried to see if he was still wearing his ring to make sure, and he was. Sure, the entire company knows they’re broken up but it’s because of law. Isn’t it common sense never to flirt with a guy who’s wearing a wedding ring? Sure, he’s divorced… but still. The divorce was forced, and the ring is optional.

A feeling settles in Jeonghan’s stomach and he blames it for what he does next. He strides over to Seungcheol, whose back was facing him, as he leans over the bar and orders a beer for himself. Jeonghan steps in clasps Seungcheol’s arm using his left hand, making sure to flash the girl the wedding ring that he still had. “Hey.” He smiles, as Seungcheol turns around and wraps an arm around him, pulling him in to kiss his forehead. “Hi.” He murmurs against his forehead, gaining the eye of every person inside the room. Once he gets his beer, he waves goodbye to the girl and drags Jeonghan off with him to their table.

As soon as they’re seated, Seungcheol falls into casual conversation with his friends, joking around with Seokmin, Soonyoung, and Mingyu, and alternates to quiet, serious talks with Wonwoo and Jisoo. Jeonghan observes him the entire time, noticing how their group of friends has been an impenetrable wall which allows nobody in, but Seungcheol fell in perfectly, in a way that nobody even noticed that they’ve invited him in.

Seungcheol turns to him after Wonwoo excuses himself to the bathroom. “Hey.” He drapes himself over Jeonghan, obviously drunk again, but that doesn’t matter, he drapes himself over him even when he wasn’t. “Do you want to dance?”

Jeonghan nods and he’s taken back into another dance floor, resuming the dance they’ve cut short that one time; but instead of the privacy of a club where nobody knew them, they were exposed in a dance floor with the watching eyes of an entire company. But Jeonghan didn’t care; he decided to stop caring. These past few days were one of the best, and he decides that they didn’t exactly change. They’re just trying to get to know each other further, but everything else, their speech, their mannerisms when it comes to each other, just fell back into normal. They were both always clingy when it comes to each other, so even though they’ve ‘started all over again’ they’re technically just going back to being a married couple without the shared house, valid marriage license, and the sex.

Their swaying and hugging were cut short when a person cleared his throat, making them jolt straight. It was the Director, Cheol’s father, who’s staring at them with watchful eyes. “Hi, Dad.” Cheol smiles nervously.

“Hi, Sir.” He bows politely and when he stands straight, the Director was already smiling.

“I told you, it’s dad to you now, too.”

“But we’re already di—”

“Are you, really?” he chuckles. “You both have never removed your rings, fought for a while, and went back to this anyway. To me, you’re just two people who fell in love, fought, and made up. You can always get married again. I’ll gladly pay for a second marriage if it meant it was still you.” He smiles fondly at him, patting his cheek before gripping Cheol’s arm and leaving them there, dumbfounded, nervous, and giddy.

“Your dad likes me.” He giggles when he’s out of earshot.

“Everyone in my family likes you.” He pulls him again to his arms, the grin never leaving his face. “I know you’re not ready, and I know you don’t want to get hurt again, but I promise you, it’ll be different this time.”

He nods, resting their foreheads together, sighing. “I know.”

“And ever since we’ve made up, all I can think of is how much I just wanted to be married to you again. How much I want our life together back, and how much I miss you every day.”

Jeonghan knows how much he wants that, too, and after the past month, he’s decided that there’s no way he’s letting the opportunity slip away. “I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose you again.” He whispers against Jeonghan’s eyes.

“You won’t.” he smiles. “I’m yours, I’m yours.” He feels Seungcheol’s lips turn up into a tiny smile.

“You’ll marry me again?”

“Hmm…” he fake hesitates, making Seungcheol look at him incredulously. He laughs at the horrified look on the other’s face. “I’m kidding. I married you when I wasn’t in love with you, what do you think?”

“Well, you were required by law that time. This doesn’t require you to anything.”

“Well, I am still going to, anyway.” He pulls him in to plant a chaste kiss on his lips, to wipe the frown away. “I am so in love with you it’s ridiculous.”

“You know what? I am, too.” Seungcheol giggles. “I’m so excited. I’m going to be your husband again.”

Jeonghan smiles in spite of himself. “Well, we aren’t allowed to remarry until 10 months from now.”

“Well, we can just fill up with wedding plans. We’ll make it everything so much better this time.”

“We need new photos.”

“Oh, Lord, please. I need to burn those old ones. They were awkward and forced, and remind me of a much darker time.”

“Let’s at least keep a few of the decent ones.”

“Yeah. But we’re burning most of them, agreed?”

“Agreed.”

A few meters from where they stood, forehead to forehead, swaying slowly to an upbeat song, a table of their friends are watching them fondly, not knowing what they’re talking about, but trying to assume anyway.

“So I guess we’re seeing 2 weddings this year.” Wonwoo comments, who seemed to have entered the party without anyone noticing he isn't a company employee, throwing Soonyoung and Seokmin a look, hand in hand, sipping wine and leaning against each other.

“If Seokmin doesn’t annoy me to death, yeah, you will.” Soonyoung jokes, remembering that they’re 3 months away from tying the knot.

“Well, 3 weddings.” Jisoo adds off-handedly. “Erika and I are planning to get married this year.”

“Oh my God!” Mingyu exclaims, pulling Jisoo off violently, and congratulating him hyperactively. “This is going to be a good year! Imagine all the open bars and all the free food!” Wonwoo judges him on one side, giving Jisoo a small ‘congratulations’ in contrast to his husbands’ hyperactive one.

So when Seungcheol sits to tell them Jeonghan and he is planning to remarry as soon as the limit is up, he’s the one who gets surprised when he’s answered with ‘We’re not surprised’. It adds to the fun, though, as he physically abuses Jisoo as soon as he tells him his own surprise. “By the end of the year, we’d all be married.” He comments fondly.

Jeonghan arrives and gives Jisoo another round of physical abuse when he learns of the wedding plans. “Okay, I’ve learned my lesson,” Jisoo pants. “I’m never telling you big news separately. I need to accept the physical abuse all at once, not one by one.” He groans and fake-cries. Jeonghan reaches over to clasp Seungcheol’s hand in his, smiling, as his friends start getting up to a particularly hyped song, jumping around and shouting, dancing around weirdly, and he wants to lock this moment in, and wish it doesn’t end.


End file.
